The Death of Jacob Track (Book One of the 33X Series)

Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

December 5, 2013

"Now, we all have struggles, Zacchya, but you have been doing very well since last month. You have made plenty of progress but I still want to give it a few more weeks before we release you back home. Make 100% sure the medication is working at its prime for you. How are you feeling?" Dr. Loden said professionally. Zacchya smiled at her. She liked Dr. Loden, well, most of the time.

"Yes, I understand. I really do feel so much better." Zacchya said.

"Good, glad we are on the same page. The RN tells me you have been taking your medications every day, so that's good as well. Plus, you haven't had any self harm attempts in over two weeks. Progress is definitely being made here. If you continue to work on your coping skills and taking your medications, I would think you'll continue to get better."

"I don't feel like hurting myself anymore. The classes and the pills have really been helping."

"Good. Well I think if you can make it two more weeks without self harm or threatening of self harm, I think we'll be able to send you home." Dr. Loden wrote some notes on a paper, but still kept eye contact with Zacchya.

"That would be awesome. It'd be just in time for Christmas too. Trevor and Mama would love that. I would too." Zacchya smiled sweetly at the thought.

"Well I think that's good for today. I'll walk you back to your unit if you want." Dr. Loden smiled at her. Zacchya really felt like out of the entire group of psychiatrists at Sunnyvale, Dr. Loden seemed to really care about the patients.

"It's ok. I wanted to hang with Marissa for a bit." "Excellent, well have a good afternoon. I'll see you next week."

Zacchya exited Dr. Loden's office. She walked the long gray corridor toward the unit where she stayed with 32 other female patients. It was a large concrete building with two separate units. She was on the female unit; the male unit was on the opposite side of the building. The rest was offices for doctors and psychiatrists. She reached the glass door to her unit and rang a bell so someone would let her in. An aide soon approached and let her in the unit.

"Good meeting?" The female aide asked.

"Sure was, is Marissa in her room?"

"Nope she's sitting in the reading room." The aide answered. Zacchya nodded and headed down another gray hallway, this one much shorter and where the patients stayed. There were numerous bedrooms, some with single beds, and some with 2-4 beds. She thankfully had her own room, because of her suicidal tendencies. She had been luckier than expected and received a mental health screen and sent here, instead of jail. She hadn't hurt anyone at the funeral, but she knew that didn't mean they wouldn't find a way to arrest her. Her depression and self harm issues were more of a concern that her being a danger to society. She was admitted to Sunnyvale Hospital, a hospital for people with all different types of mental health issues: depression, schizophrenia, drug addiction, paranoia, etc.

Everyone in Larned knew of the incident at Jacob's funeral, of course. But since her admittance, she had attempted suicide two more times. For about two weeks, she was constantly in the company of one of the staff members. It was called "one on one". This meant she had no privacy at all. They watched her sleep, shower, use the toilet, all of it. It was very annoying and discomforting to have someone watch you pee and shower. But it was all to keep her safe, they told her. She kept planning of ways to hurt herself, though. For some reason, her mind thought about it constantly. Some days it felt like she had nothing to live for. Something inside of her cracked the day she found out Jacob was dead, a rip in her heart so deep that she didn't know how to cope with it. Some days, it was even hard to breathe. Romantic love was one of the best and worst things in the entire world. It completely encompassing, not letting in any other thoughts, except for the beloved. And losing that man she loved, the only man she ever loved in her short 17 years, was just too much to bear. So much emotion and passionate feelings for him, and then he was gone. It was something she didn't always know how to deal with. She wasn't sure anyone did know how to deal with it, especially when it was all of her fault. No matter what they told her, she knew it was her fault.