My heart beat is raging, my breath is ragged
But I will hold a calm face for the sake of those around me
How much longer can I keep this up?
It's a war in my mind
A battle between thoughts and feelings
Strengths and weaknesses
I am being put to the test and I'm fairly certain I am about to fail
Who cares if I wear long sleeves in the summer?
So what if I fill the bath tub up over my head when I'm drowning anyways
What's the point in breathing when I am hardly surviving?
I have been bent, battered and bruised and now I am about to break
And god damnit don't you ask me what's wrong because it's all just in my mind
There's nothing anyone else can see but me
The failure, the disappointment, the hurt, the brokenness and the fucking. Pain.
You see a knife, I see a relief and the urge to take it and hide in the dark is tempting
They see paperclips and pencil sharpeners, well I see more tools to add to my box
Don't get too close, I'll just push you away
Don't reach out, don't try to help, just watch this eat me alive
That's all that ever happened and that's all that it will ever be
A screw up, a waste of space, it's all I will ever be
My spark disappeared so long ago, I wish I could remember a time where happiness dwelled
It's dark and bitter cold where my nightmares reside
Just kidding, life is a living, waking, walking nightmare that I can't wake up from
Hah, what a joke. I can wake up if I just dig a little deeper or I swallow that bottle
Waking up only to find darkness, death draws near
But I can tell you this, I will be much happier here, where you don't walk the grounds
Where you don't control me, where you don't test me
I will be free of pain and my pieces will mend
They tell you they care but do they? Hell no, people just want the gossip
No one is really here for you in this world so just back off from me because I don't want your fake sympathy
I am tired of the day to day nothingness I feel so if I disappear one day, don't try and find me
I ran away in my mind,
Goodnight...
