midnight .

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You guys I'm so sad, I want to cry so badly. I'm sorry that I'm writing this on wattpad as a chapter but it's just a way of expressing myself.

I want to come out to my family before 2018 ends and it's been good so far, I told my friends I'm bi so that they dont feel uncomfortable when I say I like guys but I'm actually just gay.

I told my homophobic friend and she accepted me with open arms although I know things wont stay the same, but atleast she didn't abandon me, I'm just glad she accepts me, my other friend is bi too but she's too scared to tell my friend.

I wanted to come out to my aunt and tell her but I really dont know of she'll accept me because she supports me so much and I know things will be different if I tell her. I had so many chances to tell her tonight and I just choked and I feel like such a coward because I feel like the longer i wait the more it eats me on the inside.

I'm just so unhappy with myself and hate the fact that my sexual orientation does this to my life. it might sound dumb because I didnt even come out yet and I'm just assuming, but my heart aches. I feel actual heartbreak, the kind that hurts in your chest and makes your nose tingle.

I wish I wasnt like this oh my god. I just want to tell my aunt but I'm just assuming the worst and I'm scared, I'm terrified of what the outcome will be. I'm crying now because I know if I tell my aunt I'll have to tell my mom and I really dont know. She says being gay is okay but her opinion could change if I tell her.

I've always been the black sheep in my family and this will make me feel even more distant. I'm just want to cry and scream and break down, my heart hurts, it hurts and it filled with fear of what people will think, my family will think of their disgrace of a son.

I want to cut myself so badly a nu just release the emotions because I cant deal with them. I'm 15 and I just want to come out and be myself, but its not safe, i don't feel safe.

I'm sorry for putting you down like this, I just needed to release my thoughts.

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