poetry from my different sides

Thinner than Thin

Thinner than thin, what we strive to be.

Thinner than thin, the supermodel dream.

Thinner than thin, is it even possible?

Thinner than thin, the hungry death.

Thinner than thin, the dream girl of a man.

Thinner than thin, the impossible standard made for biological females.

Thinner than thin, what I need!

Thinner than thin, why wont anyone help me with this?

Thinner than thin, please save me from this horror!

Thinner than thin, what I am not . . .

Thinner than thin, until then I'm unhappy . . .

Thinner than thin, I write on my arm as I cry . . .

Thinner than thin, what is unwanted by many . . .

Thinner than thin, causing the body check pictures to fill up my phone . . .

Thinner than thin . . . Is this what I want?

Obviously! I need this! The control high makes me feel almost as weak as their kiss!
Or maybe I just need more love.

Thinner than thin, expectations by some, a fear by few, a fantasy by many.

Thinner than thin, unbelievably fake.

My sister, ana, may have given me handle bars but I'm sitting on the back of an airplane on autopilot facing the wrong way!

Thinner than thin, is this what my mom wants for me? To not be fuller like her? To starve myself and when I break four hours into a fast wanting to puke?
Does she see? I know shes seen the apps before, I know she knows I count calories, but why doesnt she stop me? Am I not thin enough yet to be saved? Is recovering only after you hit your goal?
I just want to be saved, please help me, but dont send me to a new place. Meeting people like me isnt good, its negative towards them from my helping nature, even if its helping starve yourself or hide your cuts. I'm sorry to the little kid I used to be, I was so thin and petite that when I grow a panic alarm goes off in my brain.
Screaming until I redownload the apps and basically say my therapist can fuck herself, I need the handlebars, I need the control.