Just Some Vents.

"I'm fine....I promise."

No...I'm not.

I question myself everyday when I wake up.

"Do I have the will to live today?"

The truth is, I don't. But I still get out because I have to....Because if I don't, I will probably be called a lazy bitch.

Then, I head to school. Where I act like I'm fine. All smiles and happiness. But under that facade, stress, pain and anxiety.

Do my friends know this? No. Do I want them to know? No. Will they even care? Probably not.

I go through my day, screwing up school and probably failing at it once again.

Then, I come home. My parents ask how my day was...I say it was fine.

But it wasn't and never will be.

I immediately go on social media to talk to some people I don't even know and silently wish that I could meet all of them and talk and give them hugs and try to compliment them to make them feel better. Will it work though? No.

But most of all, I want to see my girlfriend. She's the person who actually loved me for who I was and didn't do it to mess around with me or bully me.

But I can't because she's halfway across the country from me. And I want to see her. No, I need to see her. If I did, we would never want to separate from each other. And after that non-existing day happens, I will cry and cry, wanting to see her a few minutes after she's gone from my sight. She's the person I want to be with.

People think my relationship is weird. Long-distance....Thinking that she isn't who she says she is. But...it's nice to hope at least.

Then, I go to sleep or rather, try to. My idiotic mind won't shut down because of the constant thoughts that something will come for me in my sleep. And people call me stupid for thinking that, 'We're in the safest city ever.' They said. But l never listen. I never sleep.

And just like that, it starts all over again the next day.

Just the endless cycle of stress, anxiety, and depression.