death of the future

Mark I

               It was the year 1899, goblins roamed the earth and they were just as the fairy tales portrayed them to be: short, green, ugly, and thieves. They would do anything to make a quick buck even kill, and because of this, you can imagine they were not liked by the citizens. In fact, they were feared by them to the point that you could practically say they ruled the land. There was one imparticular that was very large, the biggest one that anyone had ever seen. He stood at an astounding 8'7 as opposed to the usual 4'1 of the average goblin. He was blood red with spikes on his head, long sharp blood covered teeth, empty white eyes, large scales, and a voice that would strike fear into anyone who heard it. His name is Skull Crusher his professions were hunting other goblins/human and stealing large quantities of loot and diamonds. Although most goblins would just collect their loot from underground and citizens that was not good enough for Skull, he likes a challenge so he felt that he had to steal from only the highest of the high in royalty at the time. Even though thousands had been hired by the Royals, not one bounty hunter had been able to track down and catch Skull. That's enough about the goblins there are other people as well because last time I checked it was good to say the main character in a book. My name is Muerte and I am not like the others in the village I have always had a passion for fighting and kombat and no I don't mean like mortal kombat it was more like as they would call it witchcraft. But keep in mind this a fairy tale in this genre a rainbow could shit out a unicorn but that is beside the point. The point is I can control ice, fire, and earth so pretty much I am the last air bender without the actual air because that's stupid. I can also kick ass with a kunai. Hell, add a chain and I would be better than Scorpion. (The writer is talking now(no shit it's not in the first person at the moment but didn't hurt to clarify))He has been unaware of anything outside of his village but he is able to comprehend the basic complexities of the physiology of the brain and all organisms ,he was "showed" the entire world by dragon(recently extinct for unknown reasons *cough* goblins *cough*) ( and by showed I mean it kidnaped him and flew around the world and then it was shot down by what is now his village. He fell off the dragon and hit his head and forgot everything. The blood of the dragon turned him 1 week old and the village raised him.)He obviously doesn't remember any of this so to his knowledge the village and the villagers was the only place and people on the planet. Holy shit it's like Minecraft before Steve comes along and proves their entire way of life incorrect. But anyways that's the basics of the entire storyline, to get you started at least, but that's enough narrating and explaining, after all this is not supposed to be a third person book. Or so I thought before I realized I had never written anything other than that so, shit. That's enough of that, back to the book.

Hi, my name is Muerte I am  14 and I am finally allowed to explore the world which doesn't make any sense to me since I thought that we were the only people. I guess this is Pokémon now when you can get your choice of three starter Pokémon and move out of your house " GOTTA CATCH EM' ALL!" Um no. What I want to know is what the hell happened to 18 and leaving the house? At this rate, we'll be driving at 12 and drinking at 15. That's kinda beside the point, but still. I have been waiting for this day and I've already packed for it "Because even though to his knowledge they were the only people, he has the feeling in his heart that there are millions of miles left on the plant to explore." states the writer. Little does he know how correct he is. I say my goodbyes to the irrelevant extras that won't be mentioned any further. 

I have been traveling through the forest for about 1 hour and I meet my first semi-intelligent life form, a goblin. It honestly scared me when it said hi with Its devilish smile. I kicked it down a cliff, luckily for the goblin it was born with rock hard skin, but unluckily for me because I just kicked him like a soccer ball. After about 20 hours of mindless wandering, I come upon an excessively steep hill that leads to a strange building. Holy shit that is a long way up but apparently the writer is going make me climb it sooo, great. Fuck that I'll just use my one pulse grenade. I pull the pin, set it under my feet and I go flying past what I would assume to be equivalent to around 30 flights of stairs which saved me around 2 hours of tortuous climbing. 

Most people would spend half a book explaining thus building but instead, made of wood extremely large. Use your imagination. I honestly want you to stop reading right now and think of an amazing palace. 

I walked up to the marvelous structure that looked exactly like the Kung fu movie temple and knocked with the handle that was held up by a jade dragon. How'd you like that kick to the balls? I bet you stopped reading and thought of this epic and sexy palace just to have it screwed over,  that's legit called reading a book and then watching the movie. Go ahead and take a minute to stop hurting. I can wait... That's long enough but after you read this you should go to the doctor and make sure you can still have kids.( this applies to any girls reading this, as of you reading this you have balls and as of the next paragraph after you stop hurting you don't)

After waiting a few moments I just ring the doorbell and when I did the tune was the most beautiful thing he had heard it said ..... ( Hey Muerte here with another fourth wall break, you must be wondering whose balls did I have to fondle to get this book? I will give you a hint it rhymes with pulverine. Just think of your own amazing doorbell I promise I'm not going to do that same thing this time.) After five minutes of waiting I just kick the door down and I am immediately attacked by a Chimera. It stands around 6'1 and had the heads of a lion, a dragon, and a goat. It has very large claws. It shot fire at me, I try to dodge it but he predicts that I'm going to and shoots multiple fireballs in various directions and it is a successful attack. It burns the entire left side of my face, I feel an intense burning and want to scream and cry but I refuse to cry and I have to stay strong or it's my life on the line. I run for a moment to gather myself and I hide. I can hear its claws scratching the ground as it walks and its almost disturbing breathing gets louder and louder as it creeps closer to me. I jump out and while in a complete blackout unable to control my body or see or think about what I am doing and from pure adrenaline I attempt to pin it down to choke at least one of the heads out like a dumbass. I leap onto the beast and it begins to snap at me from all angles, that fails so it begins to flail its body around. He slams me against a wall and shatters my right arm, once again I feel an intense pain and I want to scream, so I do. I hold on for dear life but ol' dear life is feeling bitchy today so I was slung off it, When I do it walks up to my lifeless but shaking body and digs his teeth into my four arm, it grids my arm like a great Dane with a large bone until reaches the humerus then it shots a fireball at it thus making it melt like butter until it falls off. I scream in pain. "fuck!"  I watch the blood gush and pour out of my arm and then I look at it and its face. Its face told me it knew exactly what pain I was in and it got a sick enjoyment of it. My vision begins to blur in the distance I see what appears to be a man in a  white coat and a  weird looking gun, and I pass out.