It Means Something

My Worst Fear

I think I'm terrified of growing up
Each year I fear I'm growing mentally corrupt
my perception stuck
at the mentality of a child, like
what great luck
Right?!

It's really not
People think I'm crazy
when I say or do something like I'm drunk and hazy

No, not once have I had a drink, but God forbid
I bet that's what people think
Still, I cling on to that piece of me
because it's fun and silly, and just carefree

What happens when I lose it? My creativity
It's already slipping
my mind is white like the noise on the television screen
Unicorns and rainbows, right? That's the stuff
If you're an adult that's what's considered made up
The same two things, put a horn on a horse and colours in the sky
The same old fluff isn't special, I wonder why?

What happened to games imagined on the fly?
Or forts, and friends
or exploring a great big world to its fence-lined end?
Now it's all gone, replaced and defaced
What went wrong?
Time passed
It never lasts
Yet still I hold on

Paperwork, numbers, careers, and school...
No time to relax
Reality keeps taking cracks
No time to step back
Either grow or get swallowed up in this world so cruel

Fool!
That's what I am, see?
That's what adults call someone like me
I act like I'm twelve when I'm really nineteen
I watch cartoons instead of read important things

I can't believe
that what I perceive is from levels one and two
What adults versus kids would rather do
I'm relieved
I know the world as it's seen
from the eyes of a child, adult
and yet I'm still a -teen
So I hold tight
No I'm not ready to receive
the life of an adult and all those frightening responsibilities

Take it away 'cause it's coming too fast
I can't get past
I want to turn to back, but I can't

Time is a one way road
The world gets smaller the farther one goes
That's how it flows
But I can't accept that
I just keep getting pushed forward and attempting to shove back

Make it stop!
This never ending nightmare!
Am I kid or an adult?
Does it matter?
Should I care?!
I don't want the numbers, the forms, or even the damned pen!
All I really want is for things to be as they were
The way it was back then

So I'm a kid, what's wrong with that?
It's not professional?
I should cut the crap?
I should behave, take my place, put on the pro act?
I can't
It's too wrong
A life like that would be torture, boring and long

Now don't you understand?
Why my fear is greater and out of hand?

I think I'm terrified of getting older
That single statement could not be made bolder

The world is petrifying, I can tell

I do not wish to be an adult in this living Hell