Russian Roulette

Anonymous Monologue

I shouldn’t have done this to her - I should’ve came clean...But I love her. She wouldn’t accept me...as me. No one will know. what am I talking about? Nobody knew, this been going on for a year. No one suspected a thing. I should text her now. (pulls out phone) “Hey babe” She’ll never know and we can be happy together...forever...But eventually someone will catch, especially the amount of times I pulled out my phone whenever she sends her replies. (Sighs) There’s something about her that makes her different from the other girls. Although I never met the other girls in person, I have her. I’m pretty sure she’ll freak out when she finds out the real me or worse she’ll hate me, she couldn’t hate me we’ve been friends for two years, I was there for her when she needed me and she was there for me when I needed her...I just  changed my name and story so it wouldn’t be obvious that she was talking to me… I wonder if she’d change for me. Don’t be stupid you can do this but it’ll be tricky for me when she finally wants to meet in person. I already deny her request to video chat and talk on the phone… she didn’t leave… I wonder why. At least I’m repaying her with love that she always needed, she deserves it. Madison is that special to me. Oh! she replied.. of course she would… (replies to Madison’s message) “I love you babe.” I only did it so you’d no longer feel alone but after getting to know the real you… I fell in love.

However Madison wasn’t the first girl I fell in love with..No there was Tabitha. Tabitha knew the real me. The only problem is she abused the opportunity if I didn’t follow what she said, she’d expose me for who I am. I tried my hardest to listen to her demands day after day they became aggressive. I loved her that’s why I stayed. There was one day I finally decided to shut her up for good....I didn’t kill her haha I mean I wanted to, but all the time and effort, trying to hide my tracks. Tabitha was a nobody...However she was a somebody to me. Tabitha  was my first. I still remember the time I hit her...she still gives that look whenever I pass by her in the hallways. She looked at me as if I was a monster (sighs) I am a monster look at what I did to Tabitha now I’m doing it to Madison, except I would never hit her..Never! I still remember that ridiculous poem I wrote out for her.

“When I first saw you I developed a crush. Your eyes always seem to have a twinkle whenever we talked, I always wondered if we would be like Kim and Ron, friends at first then lovers at the end. I want to marry you, claim you as mine. Live happily ever after…”

(Chuckles) I remember when mom found my poem, she asked who was it for. She looked at me as if she was proud, but when I told her who was it for, she gave me that stare. She gave me the stare that Tabitha gave me. The stare that imprinted me for a year. My mother looked at me as a monster.

I truly am a monster...