maybe a diary(?) but maybe not(?)

guy #1 out of probably a lot

i literally always fall for the wrong person. he's too old or too bad or too good. they're all impossible, but i can't stop. like this one guy who i am for some reason head over heels for. he's not my age, of course. but i just can't care because he is so cool. i sound insane and i probably am but we are so alike and i just understand him when he speaks and he understands me. i don't mind us picking on each other. he's not very nice but then again neither am i. he just makes me so comfortable and i treasure any time i spend with him. of course he will eventually fall in love with someone else and leave and i know that will be painful for me and i'll have to conceal it and deal with it but i guess that's just how it is (wow am i elsa or what). i can always hope that won't happen but i doubt it. he is boyfriend material for sure but he doesn't put himself out there enough. of course i love that because well i obviously have a thing for him.

we like the same music and enjoy the same things. sometimes he is around and i'm playing music and he will chime in and say "good song" or ask me "who is this" because he likes it. i like that. while i'll probably be over him next week it won't last long. i'm like that with a lot of guys but it's different for him because i have known him for so long. he's just him and he's charming and draws me in easily. i hate it but like i love it at the same time. am i crazy? probably tbh. he's like a disney prince. like prince naveen (who would be super hot if he was real, but we already knew that). he's kind of narcissistic at times and definitely has a personality that no one would expect but he could be so good if he wanted to. so many people that know him think that he has no potential but if they seriously looked deeper they would see someone who's funny and interesting.

maybe i'm being manipulated by him and his charms or whatever but it's almost like i don't care. i'm a teenage girl though so i guess it all makes sense. i wish he would come around more so i could see his face and laugh at his jokes and criticize him for no reason whatsoever.

lil message from me <3
i'll probably make new chapters based off of all the guys i talk about in the first few since my opinions and other things change all the time.  and also i am not super desperate and i have lots of independence so pls don't think of me in that way. this is just a way for me to say some things that i don't care enough about to talk to my friends. i hope at least someone enjoys.