Silent Wood

Chapter 5

The week passes much the same. I am withdrawn into myself and make no attempt to reach out to anyone. It's better this way.

Dani has stopped trying to talk to me. I think it wears her out, continuously having a one-sided conversation. She still sits by me in some classes, but she pays about as much attention to me as I do to her.

Jack is another problem entirely. He refuses to give up on me like everyone else has. He sits by me every day in Mythology, filling my head with words about my goodness and how I don't deserve what I'm doing to myself.

I wish he knew how much the irony in his words hurts me.

The weeks bleed into months. September and October pass in a blur. I float through my life in a haze, not really present at all.

In mid-November, my aunt plans a trip. As usual, I go along with whatever she plans. I don't even question where we are going; I just get in the car and stare at the passing scenery as we drive for hours. My brain doesn't register where we're going until James stops the car.

I take in the flat green field, interrupted every so often with small grey headstones.

"You need this," Rachel says softly. "You go on ahead. We'll wait here for a while."

I nod, and stiffly get out of the car.

I know exactly where my family rests. The image is seared into my head, three white marble grave markers side by side, under a large maple tree. I remember the funeral, everyone around me crying, while I stood in front, completely detached from everything. I didn't cry at the funeral. I haven't cried since the night I found out about the accident.

I kneel down, running my hands over the smooth stone. Someone has put three pink roses in a vase on my mother's grave, the center of the three.

Paige Wood 1975-2014
Beloved by Family, Cherished by Friends

Nathan Wood 1971-2014
The world is a richer place because he once lived

Bailey Wood 1997-2014
The sun shined brighter because she was here

I don't know who chose the inscriptions on the stones, but each one fits perfectly. I run my finger over Bailey's name. The numbers between the dash on her headstone are far too little. She was just too young to die.

I picture my family in my head. Mom, with her wavy brown hair and huge, infectious grin. Dad, strong and silent, incredibly handsome with his short light brown hair.

And Bailey. My twin. My other half. So smart, so brave, and unbelievably beautiful. I would sometimes just stand back and watch her be herself, dashing around any room we were in, chatting and laughing and just being alive. She was so good at living.

And now she's six feet under the ground.

I stand up abruptly. What was the purpose in coming here? So I could see the aftermath of what I had caused? I already know I've ruined three lives.

I walk back to where the car is, still idling in the same spot I left it. As I climb in, Rachel looks back at me with hope in her eyes. I turn away, looking out the window at the endless rows of headstones. Rachel heaves a sigh, and James drives away.

I watch the maple tree get smaller and smaller as we drive.

____________________

We spend the night in a small hotel. After a full day of driving and an emotionally exhausting trip, I'm ready to just sleep. All three of us simply fall into bed; there's no keeping us up.