Truly Home

Chapter 1: Away From Home

***hehehe nabuhay po ulit pagiging writer ko kaya gumawa ako kaagad ng Wattpad account... kaya as a jumpstart, ishe-share ko isa sa mga life's experiences ko :3

Prologue          

          Since last May I’ve been addicted to this old YFC song; its title is Truly Home. I don’t know the reason why but the lyrics of the song’s chorus keeps on repeating itself inside my mind:

“I am home back into Your arms!
I am home in the warmth of Your love
 I lose my hold and You reached my hand
You held me up, I’m truly home!”

          I didn’t expect that I’ll understand the song’s lyrics last September 2012…
          These past few days; I felt that something is ‘missing’ inside me. Even though I live with my elder sister and my uncle and I bond with my new friends, it seems that they can’t complete the emptiness I have. The only thing in my mind is my family, my ever hated family…                               
          I have lots of negative experiences with my family. I know I slip often but their ‘corrections’, for me, is a little bit exaggerated. Because of them I experienced being humiliated in front of other people, scolded for no reason, some of my stupid, nagging relatives make false witnesses on some of the things I do, my father was, even though kind, sometimes strict and is a perfectionist, and I am sometimes forced to do things I don’t like These experiences allowed me to harden my heart, to be insensitive so that I can’t feel pain, to have trust issues, and to have low confidence and self-esteem.  These experiences made me to be a ‘not-family-oriented’ type of a person. Actually, this reason is one of the two reasons why I studied here in Cagayan de Oro: to go away from the pain, to go away from my family, away from home, away from the province I hated, that province where many negative experiences ruined the first 16 years of my existence, just to find the peace, the freedom and the happiness that I have longed for. I went to the place where no one knows who I am so that no one would criticize me; the 2nd reason is that I wanted to be wild and free!
         
          As I enjoyed my life in college, three questions from my subconscious frequently pop inside my head. I ignored it at first but as I do, the more that they’ll annoy me. One night, I took a deep breath and face them. These are the questions:

I despised my family, but why are they always in my mind?        
Why is there emptiness in my heart?       
Why are these questions in my mind?”                    

          I was so confused at that time. I did my best to shake this thought inside me but the more I take it off my mind, I feel more pain.                                  
          During the 2nd or 3rd week of September 2012, the time came that I haven’t texted my family for almost a week because I was so busy with school works. One night, my mother texted me asking why I stopped texting them. I find it hard to text them back. ‘Why would I text them?’, I asked myself. I find no reason to text them, but I realized I have to.
          A sudden epiphany came into my head. I realized that:          

“There are no people who left their homes that didn’t return from where they come from…”

          I was dumbfounded at first but eventually, I courageously accepted the fact that I miss my family.                       
         Furthermore, I also realized that the mere act of thinking of your family is already an act of returning home, from where you came from. I called my family and when my mother answered it, the weight of my heart suddenly lightened. I asked them how are they and it was followed by a long conversation. I don’t know why but I was so happy; happy that I heard my family’s voice again and happy that in that moment, I returned home….         
          From that moment on, my heart for my family became lighter. Love slowly replaced anger in my heart. I developed this desire to call them often and ask them how are they. One night, I texted my friend and shared her my thought: “…since we are connected to our mothers, I knew that she knew already that I love her even if I don’t say it to her and I am far away from her.” She agreed and I smiled.

“There are no people who left their homes that didn’t return from where they come from…”

          I once tried to erase this thought but God never allowed me. He made me realized that one if His greatest gifts are our family, our home. He pulled me back where I should really belong. Now I understand the lyrics of the chorus of that old YFC song Truly Home.                                  
          Every Christmas, summer, and sem break, I can’t wait to go home to my province, my home, where besides my high school batch mates, my family is waiting for me and my hug.