Fearful Love

    I sat on the couch, staring into space. My legs and arms were crossed, and my mind raced. My whole body shook from anxiety, and beads of sweat trickled down my temples. My teeth were clenched together tightly. My entire body exerted heavy amounts of stress. I could hear my boyfriend, Owen, talking to his parents about me in the other room. There was no shouting, just quiet talking. I was half-listening to them, half-listening to my own thoughts.

    It felt like hours passed before Owen came around the corner. He smiled down at me warmly, but all I could manage to return was a slight grin. He sat down next to me and put his hand on my knee. He looked at me with concerned eyes. I glanced at him and looked away.

    “ Everything will be okay, Rebecca. You’re safe here,” he tried to comfort me, but it didn’t help much.

    I wasn’t supposed to be here. I ran away from home after my mother had an episode of explosive anger. She was mentally ill, and after she grew too stubborn to take her meds her bouts of anger got worse. I began to run away to find refuge in my boyfriend’s house. It only made her angrier, but I had nowhere else to go. I escaped this time to avoid getting a knife thrown at me or a bullet put through my head. Any smart person would call 911 and have their mother taken to a mental hospital. I guess my heart was bigger than my brain because despite the abuse, I didn’t want my mother taken away.

    After a moment Owen stood up to get me something to eat. He went into the kitchen while I stayed on the couch. The second he left the room my phone began to vibrate. I picked it up off the arm of the couch, and flipped it over. My heart dropped at the caller ID. It was my mom. I started shaking even more. I knew she wasn’t calling to tell me how much she loved me or how proud she was of me. I was about to hear some cruel words. I pressed the answer button and held it up to my ear.

    “ I swear the next time I see that boyfriend of yours I’ll kill him! You won’t have anywhere to run to when I’m done with him! You better get your ass back home before I grab a gun and come get you myself!”

    When she stopped talking she immediately hung up the phone. I sat there, my heart pounding and hands sweating. I was frozen in fear. Everything stood still. I completely believed her promise. Whenever my mother had fits of anger, she would become immune to feelings of remorse and regret. She would do anything, even go as far as hurting or killing someone, and wouldn’t feel an ounce of care.

    Owen came out of the kitchen with a sandwich on a plate and a cup of orange juice. He stopped in his tracks when he saw my face. He quickly placed the food on the table in front of me and knelt at my feet. I looked at him with an open mouth and wide eyes. I hadn’t realized that silent tears had soaked my cheeks.

    “ What’s wrong? What happened?” he quickly asked, reaching his hand out to touch my arm.

    Before his fingers could touch my skin, I jumped up off the couch. I began to slowly take a step back. He stood and looked at me with confusion.

    “ Babe? Talk to me.”

    I looked at him without changing my shocked expression. He reached out again to give me some sort of physical comfort but I pulled away.

    “ I have to go back…” I mumbled with a crackling voice.

    He started to shake his head, but I turned and bolted at the door. Fear suddenly overwhelmed my mind and my only thought was to get back home to protect Owen. I could hear him begin to chase after me.

    “ Don’t follow me!” I screamed.

    I opened the door and bolted into the front yard. I could hear Owen’s parents rush to the front door. He said something to them but I was already too far to understand. I ran as fast as I could toward the direction of my house. I was sweating profusely and my racing mind made me dizzy. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears. I ran for what seemed like forever until I saw my house. I stopped at the end of the driveway, staring at the front door. It seemed so peaceful on the outside. But I knew that the moment I went inside it would quickly turn into hell.

    I realized that I was stuck, torn in two. I hated the world that I lived inside that house, but I feared for the only person I trusted. He was my escape from the life I stood in front of. Part of me wanted to go inside and take a beating that was intended for Owen, the other half wanted to turn around and run back to him, where I knew I was safe. I was about to take a step back when I heard heavy footsteps behind me.

    “ Rebecca!” he called after me.

    I turned and looked to see him running down the sidewalk toward me. In that moment, I knew I had to protect him. His voice pushed me forward and I ran to my door, opening it and shutting it hard behind me. I leaned up against it, gasping for air. I heard my mom stomping downstairs to beat me. My whole body began to ache in anticipation. She came at me with a look of hate. Her eyes were red with anger and her hair was a mess. I noticed a handgun in her right hand. I heard her scream something along the lines of “move!” but I felt glued to the door. When I didn’t respond she grabbed my hair and yanked me to the side. I shrieked from the sharp pain that radiated from my head, falling to the floor. She opened the door and walked to the end of the porch.

    Once I recalled that Owen had chased me here, I quickly stood up and followed behind my mother. I looked over her shoulder and saw him standing on the sidewalk across the yard. She lifted her right arm up and pointed the gun at him. Before I could react, the sound of a bullet rang through the air. I saw my boyfriend drop to the ground and I screamed. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I fell to the ground on my knees. Everything was out of focus. My vision went blurry and my ears were ringing. The last thing I heard were police sirens coming down my street before the world went black.

    When I opened my eyes, I was surrounded by white walls. I attempted to sit up and look around. Once my vision focused, I realized I was in a hospital bed. I tried to recall what led me here, and then I remembered the scene that unfolded in front of my house. I quickly pulled the blanket off of me and jumped off the bed. I was unsteady as I walked to the door of my room, but was stopped when a man in a white coat opened it. He nearly stumbled into me. I grabbed his arm and began to cry with desperation.

    “ Where’s my mother? Is my boyfriend here? Is he okay?” I asked quickly.

    He patted my arm with his hand in comfort, “ Your mother was taken to a mental hospital. Your boyfriend is a few rooms away in stable condition. He was only shot in the shoulder. He will survive.”

    I sighed with extreme relief, “ Can I go see him?”

    The man nodded and led me down the hall until we came across his room. I slowly opened the door and went inside. Owen turned his head toward me with half-open eyes. His shoulder and arm were bandaged up. He smiled and I went over to his bedside with joyful tears running down my cheeks. I knelt down and smiled for once, my mind clearing up. He cupped my cheek in his hand and began to cry himself. No words needed to be exchanged, we could feel the relief filling up the room.

    “ You’re safe now,” he whispered to me.

    His words echoed in my ears. I was finally free.