Deeper (5SOS Ashton Irwin Fanfic)

Chapter 30

The following days go by with routine: wake up, sit in the room the whole day, then fall asleep at the hospital. I really should be doing more, but honestly I can’t find the energy to. There’s so much going on right now that I should most certainly care about, but for some reason I don’t.

A police investigation is going on at my house. The day after the incident, they put me into an investigation room & interrogated me on what I knew. I tried my best to help them, I really did, but I know I didn’t give them nearly as much as they were hoping for. There was just too much on my mind. So, now my house is just a bunch of yellow ‘Caution' tape lines accompanied by several police cars everyday.

My father is in jail. They found him the next morning in his room. Apparently he had no idea what had happened the night before, & his BAC was still way over the legal limit. So, locked up. He owes 58 years, & with him already being well over 60, he will die behind those bars.

& then of course there’s Lily. That’s the only thing I really have much emotion towards. She tries to reach me constantly, but I don’t answer. The hospital only allows Mom & Dad to visit, & since we don’t have either, I’m the only allowed visitor. Not like anyone else besides my grandparents would want to come anyways. My principle told me I could graduate early, since the circumstances aren’t favorable for me to come back to school anytime soon & my grades are & have always been stellar. So, I guess I graduated from Marshal High School.

As for Alice, she has been in a coma ever since the ambulance dropped her off at the hospital. They haven’t determined what specific type of coma she has, but after doing my research, I know what it is. She ’s in a brain death coma. Words that stuck out to me in the many articles I read about it were irreversible & death. A lot of death’s.

So here I am, sitting in the ugly patterned chair at the foot of my little sister’s hospital bed. I’ve probably memorized every feature of this room after being here for a week now. My throat is dry & underused. I only ever talk to nurse’s if they ask if I need anything. A polite “No” is usually all they get. Every once in a while the head doctor, Dr. Jempor, will come in & discus things with me. I nod at the right times & process the information best I can. They try to be nice about it, talk around the elephant in the room. But I know better. I know my sister is literally on her death bed.

During one of Dr. Jempor’s visits, my phone buzzes in my pocket. I know who it is. I just simply ignore it & continue to listen to how the doctors & nurses will ‘work their hardest to ensure Alice wakes up & can live her life to its fullest”. When he finally leaves, I fish my phone from my pocket. I expect to see Lily’s name pop up next to the “Missed Call & Voicemail” option, but to my surprise its Luke. Curious, I unlock my phone & click a button to listen to the voicemail.

“Hey bro, it’s me. Luke.” Even from the first words, I can tell something’s wrong. His voice doesn’t hold the usual badass jive to it. With my attention caught, I listen in more. “I-I just wanted to call to say…. uhm well I really don’t know anymore. I mean, everyone’s heard at school. So I understand why you wanna be alone & crawl back into that little shell of yours. Like, right as you climb out, the world falls apart. So I understand. It’s okay man.” Raising an eyebrow, I realize that all of what he’s said so far is true. Even though I'm embarrassed, I only press the phone to my ear harder.

“So I guess I’ll update you on how everyone’s doing: Ainsley & I are still together. It’ll be 8 months here in a few days.” I can practically hear Luke blush, & that brings an unexpected smile to my face. “I’ve heard about you avoiding Lily. Ash, it’s really hurting her. A lot. She’s just trying to help. & I know you probably are pushing her away so you can focus on your sister, but lemme promise you something: opening up to people isn’t always bad.” My throat clenches at the sound of her name. As much as I just wanna hang up & be done with it, I can’t force myself to remove the phone from my ear. So I keep listening.

“I really hope everything goes well with Alice, because we really miss you man. I can’t wait to see you again & hopefully set up a time to play some music. Because there’s no one in this world I’d rather do it with. Anyways, keep in touch please. See ya.” & with that, the voicemail ends. Pulling the device away from my face, I know in my heart that everything Luke said about Lily trying to help me is true. But what else was I supposed to do? Let her distract me from my sister more? No way. Family always comes first.

I push my feelings back, so far back that they pit in the bottom & dark parts of my heart. I ignore them. I don’t need Lily. I need my baby sister. But the more I look at the frail thing lying in the bed across from me, the more I feel the urge to run. Run from my past. Run from my present. Hell, probably even run from my future. They way things are looking now, I don’t even wanna think about it. As I get light headed, I stand up, walk out of the room & head to the cafeteria. My tray gets filled with some fried chicken & mashed potatoes. I grab a drink from the fridge & sit down at a table. Mowing down my food, I realize that it’s been a solid 24 hours since I’ve had a sufficient meal. So I stock up, knowing that since I forgot to eat once, chances are I’ll do it again.

After an hour, I’ve had my fix & I head back upstairs. But when the elevator opens on Alice’s floor & I see nurse after nurse huddled around the door of the room, everything stops. They spot me, & a few run over to try to restrain me. I think I’m fighting them, but I don’t know. I can’t think. I can’t hear. All I can do is let my body take over. I break free from the nurses, & I sprint to the room. Shoving my head in the door, I see Alice lying on the bed, just as I left her. My mind slows down, & I start to calm down a bit. But when I look closer, I see the reason the nurses are here.

The little computer screen next to Alice’s bed is flat lined. A flat sound. Her chest no longer rises & falls steadily.

My little sister is dead.