I wish I could be someone else. So fucking bad. Nothing in my life ever ends well for me. No matter how much good I do. I always get the shitty ending. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of all of it. Of trying to do anything. Of caring so fucking much for everyone when that never gets returned to me. Of always being there for people when they need me to but when I need that I'm left to deal with it myself. I'm so fucking tired of having to always live through my worst fear everyday and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I'm tired that my worst fear is being alone. I hate that a care about people that others say I should be mad at and forget. I hate having a good memory. Always being able to remember things that just tear me up inside. I hate it when I sleep. It's just fucking torture. The vivid horrific night terrors or the PTSD or the things I see when I get sleep paralysis. But that's when I sleep. But I also hate not sleeping. I almost never do and I'm tired and if I go long enough the sleep deprivation starts making me hallucinate. I hate looking in the mirror and always hating what the reflection shows me.
