Let it be...

To, Mom

Dear Mom,

I wanted to give something to you for after I'm gone. And if your confused why I say gone, so am I. I'm leaving my most cherished secrets for you and I hope it won't be too hard for you to understand. A lot happened at school over the past few weeks that I couldn't understand enough to get over them. Life is hard and Love is harder. So this "gift" I leave you, I hope it'll help. I put it in numbers that show what I'm trying to say. Please don't cry.

Love,

Jake

11-20-2014

1;) November 21, 2014

1 is for me, myself. I always thought I was a put together type of person and I've come to realize that I'm not, so. I thought I had the world in my hands from a young age, also I realized that I didn't. I love everybody in this family but I'm so sick of Ethan being such a jerk. I mean any 12 year old would be too. The number 1 reason that I realized the world was not in my hands was the first time he called me a "faggot". And if that's not enough it happens on a regular basis. At least 3 times a day. I mean, who deserves that? No one.

While I always thought that I was well put together it really brings me to a new low, the worst low. And if I told you, you probably wouldn't even do anything about it, or you would, I don't know. I just wished that I had support from everybody in my life, but I don't and that will never happen. I've already came to terms with the fact that I don't get everything I ask for, but you know, people could be a little bit nicer. I don't expect much, I don't think anyway.

Another thing is that the that apparently the teachers have a "No Bullying" motto, which they don't exactly follow. I complained to Principal Martin about Mr. Dickens calling me names; Mrs. Canary, She=man, and Barbie. I mean if you don't find that ridiculous than your head is full of stones (no offence Mom). You know I love all my teachers, but I'm pretty sure they think I'm pathetic. "You are a worthless little twerp Canary," in the words of Ashton Lawrence, a stupid textbook jock. And if you ask me he's probably right.

I don't like to beat myself up, that's Ashton and Ethan's job. The only person who seemed to ever notice me (besides my Friends) was Erin Hammerstedt; a beautiful, Leonardo Da Vinci carved, masterpiece. I will get to him later, though.

Back to me ( that sounded so selfish, but it's true). I go through a lot in one day, you would not believe it if I said that it is like a train station with a bazillion stops. Lockers are the worst, especially in the locker room. Playing football is like, the people in their are the most disgusting things on Earth! I'm sick of a bunch of boys that are so, you know, unaware of their surroundings. Like Hello, you are not the only one in here.

Regular lockers are where it all goes down. Although I've never been shoved into my locker by Ashton, we always have a showdown and throw-down type of thing; at least once a week.

Now that's out of the way. I'm trying to be straightforward. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, if you don't, this would be pointless. So if you couldn't tell by now I'm extremely stressed, or so I think, and like I said, Life is hard. The small things that you don't notice, are the things that affect me the most.

I like to believe that I have a pretty good understanding of who I am. So Ladies and Gentlemen, what did we learn?

2:) November 22, 2014

2 is for two people. Why does it have to matter so much whether you date a boy or a girl? I mean it's not really anyone else's business, Right... Wrong. If you like someone in my school or date them, it immediately becomes Ashton's business. Ashton is just the beginning to an avalanche of questions. I mean, I Love Erin. I don't know what is in me, but whatever it is, it's a demon.