Because it was Love.

Suicide, that didn't go right!

Well Hello there! Now please don't throw all those rotten eggs you've been collecting for weeks.

I know you hate us, but then my friend and I, we've totally been going through an emotional crisis that we couldn't well... you know like update! So yep cutting the crap, here I am with a small gift! A very long update for you guys.

Enjoy then :)

  "Rain makes me feel less alone. All rain is, is a cloud- falling apart, and pouring its shattered pieces down on top of you. It makes me feel good to know I'm not the only thing that falls apart . It makes me feel better to know other things in nature can shatter."
―   Lone Alaskan Gypsy

Chapter 5

"What the hell happened just now?" Yeah, my day was getting worse than I could possibly imagine.

I sighed and rolled off bed dangling my legs over the bedside, facing my mother. "Mom, it's nothing, he is just a drunk friend who didn't have his way in our school project"

"Oh yeah? Like does friends pin you down the bonnet of some car trying to make out with you? Wow explain me about these new ways of friendship bonding, oh now wait you said help in school project didn't you?" She was fuming, if this was some sort of a cartoon, you can like literally see her nostrils flared and smoke steaming out of her ears. Her hand was tightly crossed over her chest, she looked tired, and it was clearly visible even to a blind man. The bags under her eyes and hair that was just put into a messy hair bun was evidence to that. I felt guilty for welcoming her this way.

I sighed again, god... that's like the hundredth or so "sigh" I did for the day. That guy is the mess that's making my life freaking complicated.

"Look, we are so glad you have a boyfriend, but we don't want you breaking our trust okay? I mean, all I am saying is that we have busy lives, and we don't want our life to be more hectic looking out for you. You know how nosy these neighbors are, the last thing we want is answering calls of some nosy neighbor, saying how corrupted our daughter is. We have a reputation here Awya, you need to protect it".

She waved her hand off as if to brush me off, while walking out of the room and before she disappeared, she stood by my door giving me another stern look "Do whatever the fuck you want okay? Within this god damn house! I don't care whether you start off some strip club in here, but nothing can go out! We have no time in our lives to deal with your crap, you aren't a small girl! We can't baby sit you! After all, everything we are doing is for you". With that she was off slamming the door on my face, no wait more like my entire existence, my world. The world they never cared and never wanted to deal with.

And look at me, here I was feeling guilty for not giving my mother a warm hug and welcoming her with a big 'I miss you'. Not getting to cook our favorite dinner together chatting about school or random crushes.

Tears were spilling endlessly down onto my chest, making a big cold, black, drenched hollow on my chest, it just passes right through that fabric material, the skin and right in to the broken heart that is still beating. All she was worried about is not her daughter been harassed by a some boy, but the call she might get, just that one call she just didn't have enough time to deal with. I whistled a "wow" smiling sadly at my own pathetic life.

I know we all can cry off to sleep, there is a point where your eyes can't take it anymore and we sleep. But this time I didn't sleep, through the entire night I've been sobbing and swallowing that lump in my throat, which aches like a bitch, making my throat burn with pain, do you know why it happens? When you try subsiding your sobs so anyone wouldn't hear them, when all you need is the opposite of that to, just let the tears flow out freely and loudly. But well I can't scream and cry, can I? So there I was lying helplessly on the floor crying my eyes out. I kept on letting the tears flow, hoping it would ease the away the pain that was eating up through me, but crying only lessened if for another few minutes or so, but it came back all fresh and new stabbing on the same wound heartlessly over and over again, and the pain never left.