Connections | ✔️

Seventeen

Valerie P.O.V.

Carter and I have been keeping it very low-key on social media, we didn't post any of the snapchats or selfies we took together, living in our secret little bubble for the past few weeks. It felt amazing to have his presence and attention solely on me. I couldn't help but think though, about what the masses of people would think if we ever came out as a couple. Are we even a couple?

Speaking of couples, Kean and Ell were now officially boyfriend and girlfriend. It was such amazing news, I'd never seen her happier. They too, were trying to stay off the radar, at least until their show kicks off.

Opening my phone, I clicked on to my social media apps and browsed them quickly. I had been gaining a ton of followers ever since Sommer posted those photos on her Instagram. I think it was up to 16k or something ridiculous like that. Maybe I need to step up my game? Ellana was always telling me I should upload some of my OOTD's. Maybe I'll try to start doing some of those? I felt the need to deliver something to the poor people who followed my boring feed.

I clicked on the photo of Carter and I, so I could scroll through the comments to see what the fans thought. It didn't obviously suggest we were together, but we were both quite close in proximity to each other. Underneath the image lay hundreds of messages. There were mostly a lot of tags, emojis, I love yous, and the classic memes.

"Alexa, play that should be me" "I almost spit my caramel venti mocha latte with 1 shot espresso, 2 tsps cream and half cup non-fat milk..."

Those were absolutely hilarious, the internet could be such a funny place sometimes. I kept reading through, smiling to myself until I stumbled across a couple of negative comments.

"Ew, who is that?" "I know right, not good enough for him" "Who does she think she is?"

My stomach dropped, as a feeling of unease began to settle in.

What? How could they judge me when they don't even know me? Just like that, my mind set off on a chain of unending, churning thoughts inside my head. They're just haters, right? I should just ignore them. But what if they're right? What if I'm nothing special if I'm not the glamorous rich girl? What if people will never like me just for me? I exited the app promptly and turned over my phone screen on the bedside table before closing my eyes. I can't let these anxious thoughts to eat up at me and these insecurities rule over me again. That was how I had once spiralled, causing more destruction to something that was already destructive.

I tossed and turn that night, unable to fall asleep, the comments had unfortunately spread a seed of doubt in my subconscious. I felt a little more determined however, to try and prove these people wrong. The real me is the best version of myself. I'm the only one of me on this planet. I'm good enough, I told myself, repeating those words of affirmation in my head.

~

I dressed up a little nicer this morning before trying to take a few selfies in the full-length mirror to post on my Instagram. I think I'm going to commit to uploading more frequently, it's about time I stopped hiding away and expressed myself fully. I can't let people negatively affect who I am and what I choose to do.

A knock came through the door, waking me from my inner monologue.

He's back, I grinned.

I opened the door to a smiling Carter, swooning at the sight of him, before he stepped into the apartment and gave me a short, sweet yet searing kiss on the lips.

"Hey handsome," I said softly as we pulled back.

"Hi beautiful," he smiled, before looping his fingers through mine. "Let's head off?"