She is the one girl who i would do anything for if she asked me to, and when everything is done and over she is the one i'll still be thinking about because that's who she is. Shes scared though, of committing or love all together im not sure but shes petrified of being vulnerable with anybody. Some days she loves me and shes not going anywhere and the next shes nowhere to be found. It aggravates me beyond belief that she wont just give it a try, but i know thats just me wanting too much as i always do. Still, i know she loves me, at least i hope she isn't lying in those brief moments of transparency as without those im not sure i could carry on.
Yet here i am, telling you her name and our story publicly, but not my own name or anything about myself. Im a girl for gods sake. Maybe im the coward for pushing the ones who want me away, all for someone who never really will unless shes intoxicated or otherwise inhibited mentally. I wish id found her before she was broken and scarred, and previous to the lovers before me and then maybe, just maybe, she would be able to let herself go for a while and live like i can tell she yearns to.
There are other chapters in my life i'll be writing about here, and im not expecting many to read this, but this girl seems to be the one i should start with naturally. Maybe in a few months i will be writing here again telling you about our new found romance, or maybe ill be writing about how i knew deep down it would never work anyway, knowing full well thats a lie. Still, she is my main focus at the minute, and trying to keep her happy is proving harder than i would've thought, but with all things together i can see i was stupid to think id be enough to stop her mental condition.
besides, am i enough
