Have you ever liked someone so much? So much that you don't even realize that they are so mean and violent until someone makes you listen to them after telling you about twenty times that those bruises and cuts are not okay. By the time you realize that your boyfriend is not what he seems, it's too late. He controls your every inch, thought, clothing choice, everything. He tells you no one will love you as much as he does. He makes you feel worthless and makes you hate yourself. It started off perfect, like a fairytale. Pretty flowers, nice clothes, trips to New York City with fancy hotels. The only thing is, if fairytales end in a happyendings why did mine end in shame, or with me in a hospital bed crying?
It started when I was fifteen years old. I met a eighteen year old guy named Buddy. He was blond, had blue eyes, tall and very handsome. I felt a connection with him the first time we met in person. We met on facebook which at the time was how everyone met guys. He was a smooth talker which made my stomach flutter when ever he sent me a message. He was perfect, and he even thought I was too. As a fifteen year old, when someone tells you that you believe it. Within a week he had me wrapped around his fingers which was what he wanted.
We went on tons of dates to restaurants, movies, the zoo, and even haunted houses. We had movie days and nights. My mom did not want her daughter in a guys bedroom at that age, but he always made me go in there with him. About three months into dating he started to control my life, a little at a time of course. He would choose my outfits based on if I looked skinny and pretty. He called me a slut if I wore shorts or a tank top. The first time he told me not to wear something I said no and he slapped me in the face. I was scared and started to cry. He said he only wanted to best for me. My head was spinning and I went home. Little did I know my life was about to change forever that night.
It was eight pm on October 26th 2015, my mom was out of town for the night so I was home alone and Buddy knew that. He came over and knocked on the door, I told him to leave and that I did not want to see him. He asked to use the bathroom and I just nodded. When he was done he came over to me and pushed me on the couch and sat on top of me. He placed his hands around my neck. I was so afraid. I was yelling for him to stop and that it was hurting me. He told me to shut up and punched me in the face so that I blacked out. I woke up I was on my floor and all alone. I tried to get up and I was in so much pain. My pants were ripped and so was my shirt. I called my best friend and she raced over. When she saw me she started to cry. She got me up and took me to the hospital and called my mom on the way telling her where to met us. The whole thing was so fuzzy. When the nurse saw me she asked me to change and she cleaned up my cuts. They asked what happened and if I had been raped. I just screamed and cried. My mom got there and they asked if they could take a rape kit. It was a terrifying experience. In was being questioned for hours and hours by police officers and nurses. When I got home I saw the floor and I just clasped. I was not able to sleep for days after that and I was homeschooled for the rest of that year.
Later that month I missed my period, I thought it was just stress so I didn't think anything of it. I was so stressed with court hearings that I was forced to testify at. Two months passes by when I got worried. I thought this can't be happening to me. I can not be pregnant with this monsters child. I'm 15 years old this is so wrong. Everyone is talking about how I'm making this up and now they will be talking about how I'm a whore. Great maybe I should just disappear. No. I can't think like that. I have to stay positive I'll just go to cvs right? I tell my mom I have to go get some new make up at cvs and she drops me off and I make a run for the pregnancy tests and get the 2 pack. I also get some lipstick and eyeshadow so my mom doesn't question it. When I get back in the car we drive home and I run to the bathroom to take the test. When the time goes by I can't find myself to look. I close my eyes and grab it, I bring it to my face and open my eyes. It's negative, both are negative I'm not pregnant! I get a feeling of relief but at the same time sadness.
