Impulse

And so we start a new

I plan on keeping this "series" or whatever you want to call it completely free of relationships, the idea of love, and affection.
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    New beginnings are never easy, especially when you felt things were going right. Then you realize you had flaws that require action. So once again you begin to learn. To make whatever effort necessary to improve. For me writing is an outlet, and if I was to try and use any other source of relief, I could never get very far. A true listener as you, the audience, has no input unless directly confronting me about this entry. I try to lace my words with intent, with purpose, with meaning, hoping that you get the message of whatever hardship I face. Is this better fit in a psychologist's office? More than likely. I have urges to end my life, however the one thing stopping me is my reminder that if I do, no one would care. If I die, I want the world to mourn. I want the world to mourn for me, as I mourned the death of meaning in my life. What gives life meaning varies from household to household. To me it is ethics. How can we live life to the fullest without living ethically? We cannot. We live by what has the best outcome for us.
    My goal with this journal of sorts is to explore what I truly want in the world. Do I want riches, fame, family, love, death, or time? I can withstand endless insults and punishment, however I have yet to be enlightened in turning numbness into purpose. I get knocked down and I get back up, but never fight back. Perhaps my lack of close friends keeps me from finding out what broad terms such as "like" really mean to me.