hold my hand, darling. i'll guide the way

push me

What is the point of eyes if you can't see with them?

The blackness was a drug, a never-ending pool of misery. It tugged at Jungkook's bones, made it impossible to sleep at night. He knew he was hopeless, useless, and not for the first time, he wondered why he couldn't just be normal.

"I'd rather be blind than deaf."

The words made Jungkook go stiff. They had been spoken behind him. He felt his heart began to quicken, his throat began to constrict. He turned.

It was two girls, both in his grade. They were talking to each other, conversing casually. They hadn't even noticed him.

"Think about it, if you're deaf, you can't hear music. I would like, die. Music is my life." 

"But if you're blind how do you know when to stop wiping? I would hate to be blind."

The two girls giggled and Jungkook felt a lump grow in his throat, clogging up his airway and filling his stomach with ice. How could they talk so casually, how could they laugh and giggle about a topic so suffocating?

As if they heard his thoughts, the two girls turned. The one with short hair buzzed to her scalp froze, and red gathered in her cheeks. She opened her mouth. "I'm so sorry Jungkook! We didn't know you were standing right there. Please excuse our words, we were just fooling around."

The apology made him relax slightly, but his hands refused to unclench from the tight fists they had formed.

The other girl, the one with long dark hair, rolled her eyes. "You don't need to apologize, Sarah. It's not like we said anything mean."

The girl, Sarah, gasped dramatically and lightly punched her friend in the shoulder. "He's blind you idiot." She had whispered the words, but Jungkook heard them anyway. He had excellent hearing.

He cleared his throat. "Actually, I'm only partially blind."

Sarah turned a fire-engine red in embarrassment, but Jungkook turned on his heel and walked away before he could hear any more of her half-assed apologies. It's not like she cared. No one did.

>>>>>

Jungkook didn't feel like walking home after school, so he headed to the park instead. He knew he wasn't supposed to go without telling his dad, who happened to be very protective, but right now, he wanted to pretend he was independent. He wanted to pretend that he wasn't helpless.

His cane tapped along the ground as he walked, sliding to and fro, and he wished desperately that he could toss it aside. He couldn't though, because walking anywhere without his cane was an extremely difficult task.

Being partially blind meant that he needed help with most of the things that normal people would be able to do with one hand. He couldn't watch TV because it strained his eyes, he couldn't go out in public without his cane to help him, he couldn't play sports, he couldn't drive, he couldn't- he couldn't do anything!

It frustrated him. It ripped his soul to pieces. He was useless.

What kind of sixteen-year-old boy couldn't drive?

He arrived at the park in five minutes and took a seat on one of the empty swings. His only friend, Yugyeom, had recently moved away, and so the quietness of the park pressed down upon him. Usually, his friend would be chatting his ear off- but now, without his presence, it was silent. Still. If Jungkook closed his eyes he could pretend he didn't exist.

The world became even darker.

A movement from behind startled him, and he made as if to turn, but then someone pushed his back and the swing lurched forward. He grabbed onto the chain and held tight as the person behind him pushed again, this time with a far stronger push that made his legs fly up in the air.

"Stop!" He managed to gasp out as the swing was pushed higher and higher.

Abruptly, the person from behind stopped pushing him, and Jungkook dug his heels into the ground to stop the swing from moving any more. The concrete tore at the rubber of his shoes, and he winced at the scolding he knew he would receive once he returned home. Shoes weren't cheap, especially for a single father working two jobs.

Right now, though, he had someone else to worry about. The swing pusher. Once the swing had fully stopped, Jungkook hopped off, picked up his cane, and turned around. And froze.

The boy had red hair that shone so brightly, even Jungkook's weak eyes could see the way the yellow glare of the sun lit it up in a fiery glow. He looked like an angel.