Love Is a Bunch of Stupid Decisions

Chapter 26

Two chapters in one day??? YEET! Couldn't leave you all with another cliffhanger. I love ya too much. Also bc I suck at updating

I had to give credit to Ben, he was doing an incredible job. While I could only manage to smile or laugh along with the conversation, he was the one making my parents- who barely show any interest in anything- laugh and talk like I had never seen before. I guess that's one thing that I always loved about him, how he brought out the best in people. But at the same time, it felt like he was trying to make me as miserable as possible tonight. I hated that I missed him so much.

Out of nowhere, any emotional walls that I had built up completely crumbled to the ground. Before I could even attempt to stop them, I felt tears falling down my face.

"Oh god, this is a mess," I whisper, letting my hands fall in my face.

"Charlotte? What's wrong?"

"What isn't wrong mom?" I say, laughing dryly at the current state of my existence. "My relationship is a disaster, Ben and I haven't actually talked to each other in weeks now. I'm so stressed out at the job of my dreams that my boss told me I should step down. For the first time in my entire life, you guys are actually excited to see me for some reason, and I can't even manage to hold a conversation because my life is such a shitshow, and-"

"Char," Ben whispers, putting his hand on my back.

"Don't touch me," I say, my voice louder than before as I tried to ignore the stares of people sitting around us. He pulled his hand away as I continued my rant. "A few weeks ago Ben cheated on me, so that sucked. So we're only here because I wanted to make you think that I had my life together. Oh, by the way, I've spent my entire life trying to get you guys to be proud of me, but I realized today that I'm never going to be able to do that. And now I'm here trying to enjoy this stupid salad but I can't because it doesn't even taste good and I'm an emotional wreck and-"

"Charlotte," My mom interjects, making me stop. I looked around at everyone's face. My mom was concerned above anything else, my dad was just uncomfortable, and Ben looked guiltier and more embarrassed than ever. My face gets warm once I start to process the scene I just caused. "Why didn't you ever tell us that you felt that way? Like you could never impress us?"

I shrugged. I never liked confrontation. "I don't know. I figured if I just kept trying, maybe I could." She's silent for a few moments, as I attempt to wipe the tears and makeup off of my face. I guess there wasn't much for everyone to say. "Look, we should all just go. I'm sorry I ruined dinner."

My mom stands up quickly, coming over to give me an unexpected hug. "I'm sorry if we ever made you feel like we weren't proud of you," She whispers, holding me tighter than she ever had. "We are proud of you. So, so proud."

If I had any more tears to cry, I would have cried them right there. It felt like my heart was twisting itself into a knot in my chest. If Ben and my dad weren't standing there, I swear I could have hugged her forever. "Thank you, mom," I whisper. I hug my dad next, who still doesn't have much to say, but his hug says enough. They say goodbye to Ben, who they probably aren't too fond of anymore since I just told them he cheated on me, and after we leave some money on the table for our food, we head out.

"Will we see you again while you're here?" My mom asks, her eyes full of sympathy.

"I can come stay and home for a night or two," I reply, zipping my jacket up.

"Well, we would love to see you." For the first time ever, I actually felt like she meant it.

I hug both of them goodbye, Ben and I waiting for our Uber. I breathed in deeply before sighing. As much as that situation was the literal definition of awkward, it felt like the weight of the entire earth- or maybe the entire solar system, or galaxy, or something- had been taken off of my shoulders. Years of holding in every negative feeling towards my parents, as well as everything about Ben, seemed a lot more insignificant now. I felt like I could breathe again.

"Hey Char?"

"Hm?" I respond to Ben, not moving my gaze from the tall and familiar skyscrapers of my hometown.

"I'm proud of you."

"Shut up." I reply, still angry at him even though I was feeling much better than I did before. He chuckles regardless.

"I know you're still mad at me, and I know you probably don't want to hear me out, but I just want to let you know that what you saw was not what happened." He pauses, waiting for me to stop him or tell him to shut up again, but I decide to just listen. "I was sick, Emily said she had some medicine or something, so she brought it up to me. Her and I were just talking for a little bit, which, I know, I shouldn't have let that happen. But whatever she gave me made me fall asleep and then she must have fallen asleep too... I don't think either of us were expecting you to come back."

"But you shouldn't have even let her past our door, Ben. And what about all of the other times you two were together? And how you constantly picked her over me?" I spit back, feeling slightly sorry for our Uber driver. I guess I was just on fire today.
There's a few moments of silence. "Char, I'm a dumbass. And I'm so, so sorry for yelling at you when you brought her up the first time... That was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life. Please, please just forgive me, and I promise I'll never do anything stupid like that again."

I gulp, trying not to cry for the millionth time today. The way that he said 'I promise' reminded me so much of the time that I screwed up- or, one of the many times I screwed up, I should say. The time that I ended up tracking him down at his house, hundreds of miles away, just to apologize and beg him to forgive me. I knew exactly how it felt to know that I had made gigantic mistakes, ones that, if I could go back in time, I'd erase completely. I guess we all screwed up, didn't we?

"God, I just want things to be normal again. I don't want to wake up every morning wondering if I'm going to be good enough for you today, or if she's going to take my place. It sucks."

He takes a shaky breath, almost like he's going to cry too. "If I were you, I'd never forgive me. It's you, Char. It's always been you. You know that, right?"

"How do I know that this isn't all going to just happen again if I forgive you?" I ask.

I feel him take my hand, and looking over at him in our dimly lit car, I see his eyes lined with tears. "Will you just give me the chance to prove it?" He whispers shakily.

I collapse onto his chest, nodding my head. Maybe I was just too exhausted to find the strength to say no. Maybe my desire for everything to be ok again outweighed my pride. His arms wrap around me again in the comforting way that they used to. Yes, he had screwed up big time. But didn't we all?