Jarrett sat impatiently in his car, waiting for Ben to emerge from the back door of his home. 'If only that were my back door' Jarrett thought, his brow furrowing. Ben stumbled out the door, clearly high off of drug. Jarrett swallowed hard, trying not to focus on the luscious way Ben's moobs bounced in the moonlight.
"Mmm, you know what my favorite part about this night is?" Ben asked, slipping into the passenger seat. "That I'm a part of it."
"I don't get it." Jarrett said, turning up his Cardi B Compact Disc™ to an ear-splitting volume.
"Wow, this suck!" Ben said, neglecting his seatbelt.
'It's so SEXy when he insults stuff that I love and appreciate! Yummy yum mmm' Jarrett thought, almost unable to control his urge to pounce.
...And so they were off, to a better place, well, at least a place with actual stores: ESCANABA.
Their first stop was Walmart. Jarrett needed a new tube of hemorrhoid cream, and Walmart was always churning out the deals. Ben wanted to pick up his special ointment. He didn't understand why he'd gotten so many cold sores since he'd eaten Ryleigh's fupa that warm summer morn, but those nasty little buggers we're getting blasted off harder than Jimmy Neutron.
They wandered around the store for awhile after finding their essentials. They eventually found themselves in the Halloween section. Jarrett giggled at the assortment of princess crowns, a plan had hatched in his greasy little brain. He quickly yeeted the hemorrhoid cream over his shoulder, it landed in the cart of an unsuspecting peasant.
"Dab on them haterz!" Jarrett exclaimed, wildly dabbing on the abuela in Aisle 2.
"You showed her! Ha-ha, ha-ha!" Ben.
But Jarrett's streak of complete anarchy was far from over. He snatched the loveliest crown from the shelf, and stood on his tip-toes to place it upon Ben's large melon. Knighting him as 'Lord of the Gay Lords' (ha, got 'em).
"What hell?!" Bengal tossed the crown to the floor, it landed with a clatter. "You totally messed up my quaff, Jarrett, oh my God, Jarrett, I'm serious right now that's not even cool because I spent like an hour this morning...3 HOURS LATER
...and that's why you should not even put crowns on me when I don't ask for that. Heard of consent? Um probably not, in fact, you'd think that a goat not saying no is consent. Goat raper."
Jarrett's eyes rolled all the way into the back of his head, like, all the way. It was kind of scary actually, like the Exorcist or something. "I was just foolin' ya gotta forgive me, old sport!" Jory said, eyes returning to their normal, less terrifying appearance.
"I'll forgive you, if I must, but I shall never forget." Ben said, going full Lord of the Rings up in this [redacted].
Hand-in-hand, they strolled to their favorite section, the fish section. "Bros totally hold hands in public, right?" Ben asked, suddenly worried about what the 3 A.M. Walmart customer might think.
"Duh! It's just interlocking brofists, babe." Jarrett scoffed. "Besides, Curtis and Marc would totally hold hands all the time, it's not gay if you say no homo!"
"Oh yes, Marc is very straight and manly, so this must be cool. I like holding your hand because it's soft, like you never had to lift a finger growing up because you had parents that did everything for you. No homo, though." Ben flashed a toothy grin.
Jarrett and Ben were practically salivating by the time the got to the TANK. They pressed their faces to the glass like children, carefully observing every swish of a fin, every spec of color within the eyes. They were in awe.
Jarrett averted his gaze to Ben, taking in the very essence of his being. He looked at him like Leonardo DiCaprio looked at Claire Danes through the fish tank in the 1996 movie adaptation of Romeo + Juliet. He looked at him like he was the most colorful fish.
Ben slowly turned his head, eyes meeting Jarrett's. Jarrett's lips parted, he was about to speak, but no words came out. He looked at his feet in defeat. Ben lifted Jarrett's chin, so that their eyes met once again.
"Bah!" Cried the cynical boy. "I can't keep doing this Ben!!!1! I can't keep pretending that all I want is your friendship!" Jarrett shook his head, Ben's hand fell back down to his side.
Tears began to spill down Jarrett's cheeks, like tea in group chats. Jarrett sniffled, Ben approached him, carefully wiping away the tears from his reddened face (uwu).
"All those girls, they were just a meticulously honed scheme to hide my true feelings. I didn't love any of them. Especially Elle, she just couldn't handle the burning teen wolf-esque angst within my soul. Plus, she told me that she dodged a bullet by dumping me before prom which really just hurt my fragile ego." Ben shook his head, trying to find his train of thought, since it had just derailed so intensely. "Anyways, what I've been trying to say is—it was always you, Jarrett. You've held the key to my heart since the day we bought our first fish together and I have loved you from afar, until now..."
Jarrett crashed his lips on to Ben's. Legend has it, it was the kiss that inspired Guillermo del Toro to make his Academy Award winning film "The Shape of Water".100% Real Quote From (1) Guillermo DT:
"It was one of the most aquatic kisses I'd ever seen. There was something so animalistic about it, yet harmonious. The world moved around them. The fish were swimming for them. To make a long fucking story short, I was wet, we all were.""What now?" Jarrett said, pulling away from his lover's lips.
"The world's our oyster, my little goldfish. This is only just the beginning."
Fin.
<author's note> omg guyssss i can't believe i stayed up past midnight to finish writing this! i hope my mom doesn't find out >.< if chu enjoyed this story pls tell ur friends & lemme know what kind of adventures you'd like to see next from our favorite gay fish bois! <3 xoxox
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