Journal

10/15/18

         I'm still grounded so I went sleep early again. I think it was about 8:50pm? This was a mistake as I ended up waking up at 2:43am. I'm grounded from all electronics but I keep an old Kindle fire my parents don't know about for situations like this. I reach underneath my bed and check it's percentage. I sigh as I read the 4%. For some reason it just won't charge nowadays I have no idea why. However with 4% if I keep it plugged up it'll stay on for about 2 hours I have no idea how but whatever. I open up chrome to start reading some fanfiction. I've been doing that a lot recently I'm totally obsessed with reading again it's a great way to pass the time. I continue reading until my stupid tablet shuts off again. I can't wait until I get my phone back next Sunday. I stare at my blue and yellow lava lamp and drift back into sleep, surrounded by the scents of rosemary from the oil I put on my hair. I'm woken up by my loud alarm at 5:50am and shut it off immediately. I was dreaming about something but my alarm made me forget. I fall asleep again and finally get myself out of bed at 6:50. I'll probably be late to school again but honestly who cares? I clean myself up and finish my lunch and start eating breakfast. I'm finally ready to leave for school and my mon drops me off at 7:30, right when the bell rings.

        I'm curious as to how many more tardies I can get until I have a detention. Never gotten one before so it doesn't matter. My first class is AP stats. My teacher is really weird and energetic which is kind of annoying but I have to say it's better than having a dead teacher. I didn't complete the homework again since I know she won't grade it. All that matters in this class are tests and AP exams. I lazily follow along with the lesson until the bell rings sending me to 2nd period which is Dual credit English. We're writing a paper, my least favorite part of school. I don't care much about this paper since I figure I'll get a D again especially since that was an essay on personal experience. How did I get a D for personal experience? I'm truly ready to give up on high school. It's senior year and I truly don't care about my grades anymore. I just want to move out and go to college. Right now we're writing a thesis and I'm pretty sure no matter what I do my teacher is going to critique it and tell me to fix it but I just don't care. This crap isn't going to be useful to me in the future anyways. Finally I'm released to AP art one of my favorite classes. I'm not drawing today though just applying to college, a tedious and annoying process. I can't wait until all this is over and I'm moved into a dorm far away from home. I read some more fanfiction as I reach a stopping point on my applications. They're all romance so I start to wonder if I had a crush or some sort of excitement in my own school life. I haven't had a crush in years and honestly I don't think I've ever had a genuine crush, just people I find attractive but never talk to. It's sad and it sucks having a boyfriend or someone would make school slightly less unbearable but there's no one. Honestly I'm only 17 so I really shouldn't be worrying about this but I watch so many romance movies, anime, and read romance books I can't help feeling that some some of that in my own life would be awesome. I'm thinking of not going to prom unless someone asks me to it since I don't enjoy school dances. I haven't been to one since freshman year when I went to homecoming and winter formal. It was so embarrassing. All I did was stand there and slightly sway around while everyone else danced and screamed I hated it. I'd rather just hang out at someone's house. I suck at dancing even though I love to do it and I hate crowds so school dances are the last place I want to be. So therefore if my friends ask me if I'm going to prom I'll tell them no unless magically someone asks me which won't happen so I know I'm not going. Hopefully none of them force someone to ask me I'd feel so bad for them. 

(will continue later)