Made for murder

Prologue

'I may be crazy, but it keeps me from going insane
So if I confuse you, that is just the nature of my game'
     -unknown

"Blood, blood, death.
The people think it's sad.
Stab, stab, pain.

You just got slain"

I chuckle, while making my lose ponytail tighter. Looking into the mirror, tracing my face with my eyes. My dark eyes, looking empty, looking like I have no feelings. Maybe that is true. "Of course you don't have feelings asshole" I tell myself, tightening up my ponytail a little harder, feeling some pain on my head.

To be honest I am not completely sure why I did that. Did I do that because the voices in my head are telling me to be a good girl, without feelings. Or did I do it, because somewhere deep inside me I do have feelings. Because it hurts so I know I can feel. But how do you run away from things inside your head?

You don't run. You accept it.

"Dark, dark, lies.
You see it in people's eyes.
Walls, walls, chain.
I am not insane"

My chuckle starts to turn into a laugh. Laughing helps hiding other feelings. Maybe.

I point my finger and slowly raise it into the air. My eyes are focusing on my finger, seeing all the lines, the dust only makes it more visible. I turn my hand around, the inside of my hand pointing to the mirror "and pop" I say while touching the reflection of my nose in the mirror. I laugh harder "you know what is funny?" I stand up, moving the weight of my body from side to side. "Yes correct" I say while exaggerated nodding.

Nobody knows who I am talking to right? It is the voices inside my head. They are crazy, but they are always there. They make me crazy, but I am not insane.

"Can you please stop singing" I suddenly scream mad "you make me dance" I chuckle moving my hips from side to side and throw my arms in the air waving them on the rhythm of the 'music'. "Stop it now!" I scream harder again. "Don't make me dance"

My heart beats faster and my eyes get big. Everything feels like it goes in slow motion as I turn my head into the direction of the sound. A real sound, the sound of heels clicking on the floor. Click, click, click.... pause. I can't breathe. Click, click, click. "Well good morning my dearest child" a warm voice echoes into the room. "How are you doing today?" My breast is going up and down heavily. I slowly step back, until I feel the cold wall on my skin as a protection behind me. A woman in a tight red dress walks around the corner. Click, click, click. "I said good morning my dearest child" I blink my eyes before answering "good morning mother" for a second I thought she looked pleased, but that doesn't hold on for long. The clicks on the floor sounds harder and the rhythm becomes faster. I close my eyes as she beats up against the bars "Look what I gave to you. A bed, food. I gave you food. I gave you life and all you can say to me is good morning mother" I know this was coming, but it is never nice "good morning best-" I couldn't finish my sentence "No no, a mistake is a mistake that can't be fixed. You only can learn from that or wipe it out for forever. You know that right? Ruby? " I slowly nod "remember that" she stops for a second taking deep breaths. "That I gave you a life, without me you wouldn't be here. I also learned from my mistakes. I didn't fix them, I only turned it into something better. You were a mistake and I turned you into a solution." I nod again.

Things like this used to hurt me. But this woman, my mother, made me remove my heart. Not literally of course, however voices are telling me that. But she squeezed every little feeling out of it, leaving me empty with fear. But I can't feel the pain anymore, physically and mentally.

"Come closer child" a weird smile shows up on her face. I know what she is trying, I am crazy, but not insane. I walk away from the now warm wall and walk to her. "Give me your hand now" I doubt, but I can't doubt. Doubting is unnecessary when you don't have to worry about things. I don't have to worry about things. I don't have people I love or people who love me. So I don't have things to lose. Even the voices don't love me.

Only some bars are in between us as I reach my hand to her and she grabs it tight. My heart feels like it stands still, only this woman can make me feel like this. "Say it" I look to the floor and sighs "Look to me and say it" I look to her with a face that, hopefully, looks confident. "I am a mistake, but I turned into your solution. I am made for murder and I am made for missions" she smiles but pushes her nails into my hands. I don't give a kick. "You know the way darling" she loses grip on my hands and slowly push me away. Click, click, click. She walks away. The smell of fresh perfume stays into my room. God what do I hate this woman.
I can breathe normal again. I start to whistle to calm myself down.

"Shoot, shoot, gun.
Now it's time to run.
Here, here, alone.
You are in the death zone."

I am made for murder, I am made for missions, but they never told me which one. So I make my own ones

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Thank you for reading!
This was an introduction to my story and the character. The story will begin in the next episode. Please tell me if you have any tips (also for my grammar, because English is not my first language and I am only trying) also if you have any cover suggestions please tell or show it to me. Have a nice day!

Byeee ~ Megan