LOVE WITHOUT SLEEP

THE CHAPTER 4

Immediately the back doors swung open to my surprise. I jumped, turning around and standing to my feet. I observed the excited expressions upon the faces of each girl around. It disgusted me. I knew it was a natural and normal thing, I just wasn't used to it. I hated the whole fad on people just because of their statuses. Monica was more into that sort of stuff than I. She hung around outside of shows all the time, and always managed to drag me with.

Ross came walking out, followed by Matty. My eyes continued to stare at the door, hoping George would be next before all the girls from inside came to crowd the scene. As the door shut I turned to see the two signing their albums hurriedly, it made me nervous, for the fact that I had nothing for them to sign at all. I looked down into my purse, pulling out another cigarette. I stuck it between my lips, looking up to see Matty in front of me.

"Fucking shit..." he murmured under his breath, studying my face carefully. "I knew it." He spoke up slightly.

I looked around, feeling intimidated by his audacity to verbalize it. I only wished he'd spare me the same mercy as he did inside. Though I didn't wish quick enough and took it for granted. He snapped his fingers, closing his eyes tightly as he tried his best to remember.

"Judith." May as well have told him, so I did.

"Jude," he said, "what the hell are you doing here?" He asked.

"Well sorry, I can't go to a show for a night?" I snapped.

"I meant here in LA, not here as in...here," he said, holding his hand out for the CD cover of a fan as she handed it over, "hello, how are you?" He asked her, taking her marker and beginning to sign.

"Oh..." I waited for him to finish, sighing in an uncomfortable state.

"Would you happen to have another one of those fags?" He asked, feeling around his pocket for his own. He was still the same, and somehow knowing so made me feel even more homesick.

"Yeah." I dug into my purse, taking out the box, as I looked around I realized more and more girls had shown up and they all were staring at me. My eyes trailed back to Matty, as he was the only sense of comfort. Ross was all tied up.

"So what, you still live here?" He took it, sticking it between his lips as I lit it for him and threw the lighter back into my bag.

"Yeah." I answered, detouring my eyes back over to the doors.

He laughed slightly, "I don't blame you for not going back, but don't you ever miss it?" He asked.

I shrugged slightly, shaking my head, "I dunno." I didn't. My parents moved back. I did my best through time to stay as far from them as I could.

Matty nodded, too busy sucking in the smoke to respond. As it smoothly escaped his lips he looked over his shoulder, "George know you're here?"

"No...I was kind of hoping to talk to him tonight." I said as he turned back around.

The door swung open and out came George and Adam, laughing at a past remark that anyone who hadn't been behind the door less than a second ago had missed.

"George, come here." Matty waved him over, my heart dropped.

He came walking over, looking around with a smirk on his face, still from whatever was happening between him and Adam.

"Yeah?" He asked, his voice had gotten a lot deeper.

"I ran into somebody, who's here for you." He said, looking up at him as he walked off to tend to another fan.

As he approached me, his face went solid. I didn't know if it was because he knew, or if it was because he was shocked that I didn't shout or look excited.