Never Say Goodbye

Chapter 14

I cry for hours. When I'm finally finished, I am struggling to breathe, and my clothes are soaked with salt water. A flash of memory runs across my mind. Last time I was covered in salt water, I was in the ocean, doing the bravest thing I had ever done. I was finding Caleb. I was almost drowning. I was almost dead.

I wash the memory out of my mind. I can't think about that. With that memory, comes pain, and I can't afford pain right now. I can never afford pain. No one can, really. No one can afford any type of pain. I try to think about something else, anything else. I remember when I was a baby that my mom would... no. No thinking about parents. My parents.

I look at Caleb. He looks a little worried. "What?" I ask.

"Are you okay? You look like you're thinking about something sad."

"My parents," I squeak. "My parents are dead. They aren't coming back. I can never say goodbye. I-" I sob. I thought I was finally dry, but I'm not. I am not.

"I know. I want to reassure you, but I don't want to lie to you."

"What do you mean?"

"Tell you that it's okay when it isn't. It's not okay that you have no parents. That's not okay."

"I know. I just wish they were with me right now."

"I know. I-" Caleb is interrupted by his phone ringing. "Hold on," he says to me before putting his phone up to his ear. "Yes?" He pauses. "This is he." Pause. "What? Oh, wow. Okay. Thank you for telling me. Thank you. Okay. Bye." Tears slide down his cheek as he slowly puts his phone away. I know this is bad. And I know it isn't about me.

"What happened?" I ask.

"My dad. He... killed himself." I have never heard Caleb's voice so weak.

"What? Why?"

"They don't know yet. Just my uncle went to check on him, and he found my dad. With his neck in a loop of rope. I just can't believe Dad would do that." A strangled sob cuts through the air, alone and out of place. It stops just as soon as it began. "I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be sorry. You're parentless as well. We'll go through the pain together." He nods, his face contorted. Even through the contortion, he is still handsome. Really handsome. "And now we understand each other's pain." I am trying to be strong, but I don't know if I am succeeding or will ever succeed in the future. I am trying to be strong for him, trying to be strong, so he can be weak for once. "We're okay. You and I are okay." He nods. "We are going to be okay." He nods again.

"I love you," he says.

"I love you, too, and we will be okay. Together." I smile at him. Pain spreads throughout my waist and arm. My smile fades.

"Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure. It's a mild burn. Only second degree."

"Do you know how many degrees there are?"

"No..."

"Well, there you go!" His voice rises slightly, not enough to be mad, but too much for him to be calm.

"There might be four. Four's a good number."

"Yeah. But you don't know for sure, do you?" he asks, his voice a little bit louder.

"No. I don't know, but a second degree burn is probably a low degree burn!"

"But you don't know!" His voice gets louder every sentence, making the hair on my neck stand on edge. I look down. I don't know what to say. I don't want to admit that I am scared of him; I don't want to be scared of him, period. But I can't control my fears. I have tried for years, but I have failed.