Never Say Goodbye

Chapter 27

A voice echoes inside my head. What is it like to die? I just see blackness. And then lights come on. I am sitting on a light brown couch in a clean, white room. I have never seen this room before, much less actually been in it.

EMMA STARLING! another voice echoes, making me jump. PLEASE, OPEN THE DOOR IN FRONT OF YOU AND ENTER THE NEXT ROOM!

I do as this strange person tells me to. I walk into another pure white room to see a dark brown desk and a man of about sixty, sitting at the desk. "Welcome, Emma." The man's voice is calming, and instantly puts me at ease.

"Where am I?" My voice is hoarse, and I clear my throat. "Where am I?"

"You are in a room. The room before you either come back to Earth or go down. That is for me to decide."

"What do you mean, 'go down'?" I ask.

"This is where I decide if you will be revived, by me, of course, to go back to Earth, or if you will go down. Far down, to an evil, evil place called Nefarious."

"Called Nefarious? What about Hell?"

The man laughs, soothingly. "Hell is a place humans made up to scare children."

"What about Heaven?"

"Heaven is a place humans made up to soothe children."

"Oh." I feel stupid and groggy. "So," I say as I wipe my finger on the desk, "what will you decide?"

"I have to review your record first." He takes down a thick portfolio and plops it on the desk. Papers fly.

I stare, open-mouthed. "That's a big portfolio," I murmur.

"Yes, well. It covers your whole life, ever since you were born," he replies. "Now," he says as he opens the portfolio, "you were born August 22, 2002, correct? And you are sixteen, correct?"

I nod at both questions. "Yes."

"Okay. You said your first word February 12, 2003, and took your first steps March 6, 2003, correct?"

"Yes?" I respond, confused.

"Alright, skipping forward... ah! You had quite traumatic experiences, correct? You got in a car accident when you were three, and you almost got hit by a car quite recently. You were sixteen, correct?"

"Yes," I respond.

"And... you also lost your parents, correct?"

I feel a rock in my throat. I swallow hard, but it doesn't go away. I long to run through a field with my mother. I want to hug my father. But I just nod. All I can do is nod. Why does life have to be so hard?

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable," he responds, and I look into his eyes. They are caring, and a light brown. "I understand you have a steady boyfriend, and a best friend."

The stone still isn't gone. I just nod.

"Alright. This is a very important question I ask only a few people. And that is: do you want to die? I know how stupid this may sound, but it is necessary."

I think about this for a second. I feel his patient eyes trained on me. I want to say yes, I do want to die. But is that really true? I mean, do I really want to die? I would see my parents, and everyone who ever died, who ever loved me. But that's not true. I wouldn't see Caleb. And he loves me. I would be without a part of me, without a necessary part of me. I love him, and I can't go on without him. I just can't.

I answer, "No. No, I don't want to die." My eyes stray from my legs to his face and say more confidently, "I want to live."

"I see." He pauses for a second. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm sure. I want to live. I need to live. But..." I let my voice trail off. Will I? I want to say. Will I?

"All right. Would you like to explain why?" he asks.

I shift in my seat. "I–"

"I made you uncomfortable. I'm sorry," he says.

"No. It's alright," I insist. "I am just really bad at explaining things," I lie.

"Alright." He eyes me as if he knows I am lying, as if he knows the only reason why I want to live. He pauses. "I know why you want to live," he says out of the blue.

"Yes, I know. I just didn't want to tell you. I didn't want to... explain it."

"I know that." He pauses for a second. "Shall we watch him?" he asks. I know exactly who the man means. Caleb.

"Can we do that?" I ask.

"Yes."

"How?"

To answer me, this man opens a drawer and takes out a tablet. He taps the screen, and it remains black. But a deep voice booms out of it. "What can I do for you, Mr. Dreamur?" it rumbles.

Mr. Dreamur closes his eyes, and breathes deeply in, then out. The tablet rumbles, then lights up. Mr. Dreamur puts the tablet on the desk. A place starts to become clear. I see the hospital that I have been in too many times. I see myself, too. And Caleb. I am unconscious on a hospital bed. Caleb is knelt beside the bed, a worried expression on his face. I hear a monotone beeping, a little beep, beep, beep.

Then I hear one long beeeep. I jump up in surprise. "What does that mean?!" I scream at Mr. Dreamur.

"You died," he answers matter of factly. I see Caleb freak out and rush out of the room, presumably to find a doctor.

"Mr. Dreamur, I'm sorry to cut this beautiful time short," I say sarcastically, "but are you going to let me go back to Earth, or are you gonna send me to Hell?"

"Nefarious," he corrects.

"Nefarious."

"I am still deciding."

"Well, decide quick!" I almost yell at him. "There is my devastated boyfriend down there!"

"Yes. I realize that. Now, it would help if you would stop talking." He says it in a soothing voice, but it is a kinder version of saying "shut up". I sigh.

Seconds turn into minutes, which push into my body, pinning me to the seat. When I can't take it any longer, Mr. Dreamur starts speaking. "I have made my decision," he says. He doesn't speak, like that is all there is to say.

"Well," I finally say, "what is it?"

"I will let you back down into Earth. You have a steady boyfriend, a best friend. You deserve another chance."

"Wait, seriously?" A smile pulls across my face. "Thank you! Thank you so much!" I get up from my seat, and hug Mr. Dreamur.

He laughs. "You're welcome. Now go on back to Earth before your boyfriend gets too freaked out."

"Where do I, uh, go?"

"Ah. Go out the same door you came in, then go down the stairwell straight ahead. The white one. Then, when you meet the cliff, just jump off. You will land safely in your body. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Mr, Dreamur."

He nods. I walk out the door, and down the white stairs. I walk for a little bit, and find the cliff. I pause.

And I jump.