Tutorials for Love and Death.

Johnny! Johnny!

I COVER MY FACE with a pillow and sneak a look through slit eyelids "Ugh! This is so intense." I moan while moving my hands towards my pelvic area.

Rubbing it slowly, I suddenly feel a tickling sensation in it and it increases rapidly; forcing me to throw the pillow on the floor and rush towards the toilet. This is quite strange.

After permitting my Urethrae to discharge the extra water/wastes in the toilet, I walk towards the basin "Why do I still feel so nasty and pee whenever I do this? I mean it's been so long since I started doing this." I think, washing my hands with an antiseptic handwash.

The foam of the hand-wash covers my hands like creamy-white snow and my hands act as hills. I exhale out carbon dioxide from my mouth, blowing the snow off the hills.

My lips curl upwards and I bring my palms close to my nostrils and permit the antiseptic smell to cheer up my mood. I love medicinal smells. And, this is the reason why, not too long ago, I begged my father to install a hydroxyl generator in my room. And he did.

I saunter towards the Titan 4000 hydroxyl generator and swing my arms in ecstasy.

Being rich is advantageous.

Wiping my hands with the towel, I glance out of the window.

The fallen Eucalyptus leaves surround the golden dust like an armored bodyguard. The sun rises from the exact east as usual, but with a warm embrace like never before; with never-breaking the promise of never driving the never-ending darkness out of my life. And the Australian magpie, with a white plumage and gold-brown eyes; resting on a branch with his mate sings to celebrate the sun's arrival and the departure of my innocence.

On the street, a girl in her mid-twenties walks briskly with her Old English Sheepdog. No, it's a Yorkshire Terrier. She is wearing a grey bodice teamed up with Adidas leggings and her bodice is so tight that I'm afraid that the stitches will loosen and it will fly away from her torso with the strong wind blowing, attracting the perverts. But part of me wishes to have a lifted up chest like hers.

Her pet stops by Mr. Wade's car; parked outside his front gate and starts peeing on the tire and scratching his car. The tight bodice girl doesn't stop it from doing that. Instead, she crinkles her nose and busies herself listening to some sort of music in her headphones.

Poor Mr. Wade! His mornings are never pleasant because he's forced to clean this shit every day. And, his wife keeps nagging him to mend the scratches. Still, he denies to park the car in his garage or install CCTV cameras. He's weird.

Suddenly, something strikes the left part of my brain. I smirk and hurriedly grab my camera. I snap a perfect picture of the Yorkshire Terrier pooping and its owner standing beside it, doing nothing. Thanks to the 30x optical zoom of my camera, the picture I took captures all the necessary details required to ask that girl for compensation.

Woo-hoo.

Intermittently, I feel like it's my duty to keep an eye on the other creatures and elements of the earth. And, I fulfill this responsibility of a nature-watchman whenever I'm idle. Believe me, an idle mind is not always a devil's studio. When you think it's doing nothing; it keeps doing something. And being idle is profitable at times.

I look at the camera and giggle.

As I walk towards my bed, my pelvis decides to continue titillating. I spread my long, waxed legs on my queen-sized bed, covered with clean Teddy-print, bright-pink sheets and hold an inter-dental cleaning stick between my index and middle finger; my nut-brown eyes ogling my Mac-book Pro screen which faces out the window.