Torn pages of the secret diary

I saw him

October 7,
I saw him today.
After all this time I didn't know what to feel, these mixed emotions of joy sorrow and pain especially pain. It all came rushing back. How could I forget him?? I'll admit it had been a while since I last thought about him but he never left me.
I couldn't speak or do anything. I just stared at him. He didn't notice thank God for that, I don't know what I'd have done if he did.
Ohh Ryan, the lovely charming Ryan. He wasn't the most popular kid or whatsoever but I still liked him and I knew he liked me too. How could I forget the day when he confessed, the night of our first middle school dance. His hazel eyes showed so much hope and love. I could tell from his expression that he'd love me more than I did myself and I wasn't disappointed.
People tell it's hard to forget two loves of your life :your first and your true. They never said anything what to do if both were the same person. I wonder if he still remembers any of it. Our first kiss in the lockers our first date in the park with the autunm breeze blowing the beautiful leaves all around. Our first......I'm sure he's forgotten all about it.
The day he left, it still flashes vividly in my eyes. After 12 years I still remember the look he had. The pain, the sadness, the sorrow and the regret. He promised me he'd come back for me. He promised me he'd never forget me. I waited.
For six long years I waited without a word if he ever reached there if he was ok if he missed me. Not a word. The pain of longing and waiting and hoping and disappointment. Every night I'd feel sad that he didn't return but every night I hoped that maybe tommorow he will. He will come running into my arms and embrace me like he once used to. He'd play with my hair like he loved to. I was always waiting.
Time flied but the feeling it never faded. After 9 years I was getting used to not have him all the time in my mind. Silly me, is 3 years of love enough to drive you through your life? I know now that it is. It never fades, never goes away, it's there but you forget about it after a while but it's always there. I've wondered what might have been if he never went away. Maybe I'll never know.