The Backview

Introduction

Being able to remember the day when you first met him, the day where he took you out the first time, the day that you realize what love is, the day he asked you to be his girlfriend, the day he took you to prom? It's just so inevitable that you couldn't remember those days, because "he" doesn't even exist anymore. The boy you couldn't stop thinking about, the boy who made you gulp a liter of root beer, the boy who used to fiddle with your fingers. That boy is Cole Martin Copeland, the popular 9th grader of Graham High. His top knotcher of our school's leading board and most especially he was my boyfriend.

The only thing is that he was diagnosed of depression. And just like that, his whole future just shattered, crumpled-up like a piece of paper and burnt till you see those black dusty ashes.

Then there's Carlton Davidson, leader of a debate team, metaphoric believer and that particular guy where girls can get lured in. He too, was my dead boyfriend. He was shot due to family problems. His brother was into drug dealing, that his so called drug master killed Carlton for not paying him back for drugs.

Then there's Ben Winslow, my other dead boyfriend. His like a hooker type of guy but he has a warm heart for everyone. When his mom died, he got super depress and just suicides. Suicide is never been an answer, it's just so selfish. Like if you die because you want to, what will others feel? Like the people who shared memories with you, the persons who cared and love you?

Yes, I was one of those victims.

Then there's Keith, Keith was sweet, sincere, compassionate and I forgot to mention down right hot to the max. He was flawless with those ocean blue eyes, pink chunky lips and his smile. His smile can make you jump out on top of Mt. Everest. We were together for like 6 months, we were perfect with imperfections.

The day he gone missing, I just loose it. I thought that we would be forever, like in the movies. I don't care if the movies are just made-up fantasies. It's just that he is my fantasy out of the real cruel world. He just suddenly disappeared. Police searched everywhere even in dumpsters, but how many weeks after they just give up and stated him as another dead victim.

After how many days, I started to believe he was dead and moved on. My mind moved on but my heart keeps hanging on to that thin thread of hope.

 But hope wasn't gonna last.

"Sorry for your loss, Jace" Matilda pulling me into a comforting hug.

Keith Jake Harold is one of my dead boyfriends. I still remember that day, that very day he told me that he isn't coming with me in Disneyland, because he has something important to attend to. But within a matter of hours Keith just vanished through thin air, ready to be released in the oblivion of death. No wild blue eyes staring at you with the full intensity in it, no sassy jokes that can make you snort your cola out, just no more Keith.

People say that people you love will always stay in your heart. And, Yes, I believe that, though I cherish them in my heart. It doesn't mean you could hold them in forever, you just have to simply let go and move on. You can't just mourn and mop around and wish for them to be back in everyone's life. You know why?

Because life doesn't work like that.

Life wants more, more than you can expect, or maybe life wants the impossible. Where you screw things you can never fix, or when you commit a mistake you didn't mean to commit, or when someone sues you because there breast are symmetrical. Life wants the impossible.

"It's not only my loss, Mat" I said with a sly smile.

Matilda tucks her brown-golden locks behind her ear and gives me this kind of eye contact saying I'll be right back she nods and moves around to check if all are okay and fine. It kind of pains me, the thought of asking other people if there okay in front of your dead brother.  Ironic I say, but you know people are people.