I sat in my car leaning my elbow on the open window, taking a drag on my cigarette every now and then. It was dark, the night sky was pitch black. So many stars in the sky and I don't know why they always have to fall on me.
I definitely wasn't doing good. What a surprise. To be honest, I hadn't been fine in ages. Ever since I was a little kid I was pressured into perfection, but when my parents realized how hopeless I was, they gave up on me. That's where the real trouble began. It's as if I was just an experiment to the world. An experiment on how much pain a human can feel. How much suffering you can possibly put one through. Maybe I'm blind to all of the signs that the world never wanted me.
I went outside today hoping the sun would burn my face. I went outside today hoping I'd feel something. Not even the sun is lighting up my life. I should be asleep, but I haven't been able to sleep after what happened. I'd be hurting if I wasn't so numb. Is it the drugs or just me getting used to this?
My body's weak, it gave up on me. I feel so weak. I've been living off of pills and booze for the past days, I can't eat or sleep or even function like a normal fucking person anymore. Ten years of misfortune all piling up and finally crashing down like this. This time I don't think I'll get out from what I'm underneath.
It's hard to believe.
Another day of rain has come and gone.
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Guilt Tripping {songfic}
Fanfiction[TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts/intentions + Breaking Bad S2 spoilers] Jesse Pinkman, alone in his car with his depressing late night thoughts on a guilt trip. song: frnkiero andthe cellabration - Guilt Tripping
