Doing The Honour ~ A Jily One Shot

Mudblood. The name springs from the book I am reading. Mudblood. My worst memories

come rushing back at the sight of that word. Mudblood. That was the word he used. Mudblood. My so-called best friend used that despicable name on me. Mudblood. Even years later whenever I hear, it shivers run down my spine. Mudblood. That's who am, am I not? A filthy little mudblood; a waste of space in the Wizarding world.

Mudblood, mudblood, mudblood. The words ring in my ears over and over again. Severus' voice repeating over and over. His voice covered in disgust, wishing he had never even looked at me. A true Slytherin through and through it seems.

I shut the book loudly in haste, refusing to let the tears forming in my eyes fall until I reach the dorm. They prick in my eyes during the whole journey from the library to the common room, threatening to fall with every step I take. And then, at last, I'm in the safety of my own bed. I wrap the curtains around me to act as a shelter from the cruel world outside. From inside my pillow I draw a book. One which has not seen daylight for many years. It was an old fairytale book, the one my father used to read to me when I was upset. I flick through the worn pages; whirlpools of dust springing from the story book into my still wet eyes. And then I reach the page. My favourite fairytale: Rapunzel.

When I was little I always imagined my Prince Charming would come and sweep me away from my tall tower of life. And I thought that had happened. I though that when I met Severus and he explained everything to me, the world would become crystal clear. But in fact my Prince Charming was in league with the evil witch who kept me captured; building the tower higher and higher and more secure whilst I was distracted by him.

These days I've learned to give up on fairytales, happy ever afters and Prince Charming coming to sweep me away. I've learnt to focus on reality more. But that still doesn't mean the withered pages of the books cannot soothe me from my sorrows.

'Lily!' A soft voice disrupts my reading. A voice that I recognise instantly. An equally recognisably face pops around my curtains. My safe haven is destroyed. Scrabbling quickly, I stuff the book back into its hiding place, hoping it would not be touched again for a while.

'Marlene,' I smile at her. We had become close since our first year, sitting down next to each other in the Great Hall during the sorting, and even closer still in our fifth year when I lost my best friend.

'Oh Lily you're a mess.' Marlene brought me out of my thoughts into reality. There is no point crying over spilt milk, or in this case spilt words. Just to forget but never forgive. Marlene begins to sort my hair out, and wipe away the tears that I hadn't known were still there but I stop her. I can do it myself. And I do; I scrape my hair into a high ponytail and wipe my eyes. I sort my clothes out until I look acceptable. 'Lily, James wants to speak to you again.' The topic is brought to the surface sensitively by Marlene. I roll my eyes but nod. Today I honestly want to know what he is going to say. Everything has been a rollercoaster of emotions and I need some continuity in my life. The continuity of course being James asking me out everyday.

I slowly make my way down to the common room, the ways of James asking me out flashing through my mind:

I go out to the school grounds, and the lumps that had been growing in the grass for weeks have changed. Hundreds of lilies have sprouted from the ground, forming the words 'Lily Evans, will you go out with me?' And there James is, looking awfully pleased with himself, hoping for a yes.

Plastered to the notice board in the common room, is a love poem addressed to me. I instantly know who it is from. It is a short but sweet poem, going along the lines of:

''Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, but not as sweet as you. Lily, will you become my girlfriend?' I rip it off and scrunch it into a ball, showing my answer to the common room. However later, I smooth it out and tuck it inside my fairytale book. 

Walking into the common room after dinner, I realise it's completely empty... except for James. I head up to my dorm but his voice stops me. He calls my name and asks me to sit. Reluctantly, I do, and immediately he bursts into song, strumming on his guitar I never knew he played.

You're tall and fun and pretty, you're really, really skinny, Lily. I'm the Mickey to your Minnie, you're the Tigger to my Winnie, Lily. You're cuter than a guinea pig, wanna take you up to Winnipeg. That's in Canada! He promptly asks me out once the song finishes. Naturally, I say no, but for days after the song stays in my head.

I reach the bottom of the steps and enter the common room, the view snapping me back to reality. It has been transformed into.. into what can only be described as a wonderland. The main light comes from the welcoming fire in the centre, but floating candles are everywhere setting the mood. A gentle hum of music echo around the room, relaxing me almost instantly. And dotted around the room, of course, are a mixture of single white lilies or white lily petals. He really has gone all out. And there, in the centre is the starring man. James himself looking smart in some Muggle clothes.

'Lily,' he starts, and I know a long speech will follow. 'Lily,' he repeats, unsure how to begin. 'Every time I see you my heart skips a beat. Every time I see you I wish upon all the stars in the endless sky that one day you will be mine. I never knew what it felt to be in love until I saw you on the first day of Hogwarts. Do you believe in love at first sight? Because I do.

'I don't think you'll ever understand how much you mean to me. Even though I get shot down hundreds of times, I still try. I ask and I beg and I plead and I bargain. I know that's not how things should work between us. But what can I do? But I've given up on that now. I'm just going to tell you how I feel about you, and then leave you alone.You must know that I've changed, I'm not the boy I once was. You helped me change. I changed for you.

'Lily, the day I first set my eyes on you, I was blown away. I was blown away by your beauty. And then in later years, your kindness towards the first years makes it impossible not to love you. You are the sweetest, most beautiful, kindest, loyalist person I have ever met. The list is endless. If you turn me down today, I will have lost a lot. In fact, if you turn me down today, it may take years, decades even for my heart to heal from the loss.

'Nothing in this universe could ever compare to your perfection. You make an angel look like the devil. This may sound strange, but I am honoured to be in love with you. Whenever you're near, my heart jumps around in my chest; my stomach becomes filled with butterflies; my mouth goes dryer than parchment and my mind goes blank. Surely one girl can't do that? But they can. You can.

'I guess all I'm trying to say is. I love you Lily Evans. I've loved you since the day I first set my eyes on you. I will love you forever more. And I'm asking this one question, in a hope you will finally say yes. Lily Evans, will you please do me the honour of being my girlfriend?'

I stand shock still. Throughout his speech my brain was empty, only hearing his words and concentrating on nothing else. Nothing else matters, except James in that moment. But had he really changed? How do I know for sure?

'Yes,' my mouth chokes out before my brain has a chance to register what is happening. But do I really mean it? Thoughts dart across James' eyes, readable as ever. He thinks I'm teasing him, pulling his leg. I can be, but what if I'm not? What if deep in my heart I've always known I liked James. Maybe even... love him? 'Yes,' I repeat over and over until I am sure of it myself. I am making the right decision. It is time for me to forget what happened two years ago, and move on. James, his mouth still open in shock, runs to me and pulls me into a rib-crushing hug.

'Are you sure?' he murmurs into my hair.

'Positive.' I whisper back.