I remember a time when I felt so unlike me. At least unlike this. I don't think I'm meant to be happy. It's just not for me. I remember a time when someone could love me. I had a girlfriend. A lovely one. Then I wake up to finding her dead with her mouth full of puke. I just fucking fuck up every goddamn thing I try. I tried to be happy. I tried to make her happy. I ruined her instead. As always.
I remember when I still felt alive.
We were supposed to run away together. New Zealand. We never got there. "Don't go," she said. Don't go. But she went. Should I go and get her? I wouldn't mind but I'm cold inside. I take a bottle of pills, half empty, from the passenger seat and pour a couple of them on my palm. I throw them in my mouth and wash down with some booze. My escape from reality. I've felt this bad for so long I'm scared I'm fine.
YOU ARE READING
Guilt Tripping {songfic}
Fanfiction[TRIGGER WARNING: suicidal thoughts/intentions + Breaking Bad S2 spoilers] Jesse Pinkman, alone in his car with his depressing late night thoughts on a guilt trip. song: frnkiero andthe cellabration - Guilt Tripping
