· If you think the monster is dead, he's NOT
· Do not go search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
· If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not they’re own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run.
· When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off or go alone.
· If you are searching for something, which caused a loud noise, and you find out it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
· If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
· If you find a town, which looks deserted, it's probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.
· If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, get away from them as fast as possible.
· Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nil bog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
· If your car runs out of gas late at night, don't go to the nearby deserted looking house to call for help. Likewise if your car has broken down, and the only refuge for miles is that creepy old mansion/castle on the hill. Stay in the car.
· Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any device made from deceased companions.
· Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your work surface.
· When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the lights!
· Never back out of one room into another without looking. It's always behind you.
· If you are traveling with friends, never let any hitch hikers into the van with you.
· Never babysit. There are enough babysitter-in-danger-thanks-to-a-stupid-killer flicks out there already.
· If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He'll just pop through and kill you.
· Same goes for leaning against the window.
· Stay away from sewers.
· If you sense something is behind you, don't bother turning around to check. Just run.
· If you are trying to escape the killer, sliding through the cat door in the electronic garage door will not help you any.
· After you manage to kill the monster/killer, never sit beside it and cry. It will suddenly pop back up to finish the job.
· Never go to camp or become a counselor. You'll be dead by the end of summer.
· Never say, "I'll be right back." You won't be back. End of story.
· Then when one of your spaceship's crewmembers finds a hideous parasite attached to his body, don’t let him back on the ship.
