A New Beginning Is All We Need

I stare out the window of dad’s truck, throwing the torn life behind me. My father is grasping the steering wheel making his fragile skin change to the palest shade of white. We are running away, but from what? That much we don’t know. There isn’t even much to run away from. Whatever we had before is either gone forever or is something we have not a care in the world for. I guess we are now searching for our new beginning.

            The tension that thrives between dad and I put me in a mist that ventures to the past…

As I sit upon my horse, hands’ firmly holding the reins, around me is my family, sister, dad, and mom. They’re all riding on the backs of their own horses, laughing. We are having such a great time, all of us together. It’s just an ordinary afternoon going out on a trail ride.

            As more days go on we all get caught up in our own private lives. School is dragging on what feels like forever. My buddies are planning on hanging out to play video games all night. I reject the offer, not really feeling like going anywhere.

 I step in the door of my home, the same way I do every time. I walk past a reflection of myself but a female version. It is my mother sitting on the couch, her eyes focus hard on the newspaper.

I throw my bag in the corner of my room, reaching in my pocket for my phone. It is almost time for dinner, I can smell it. There is a slam of the door; my father is home from yet another exhausting day of work. I head towards the kitchen, but then I hear the sound of arguing. I go back and continued searching on YouTube. Right before I click on the video I am about to watch, I hear it. My mother screams at the top of her lungs, all a muffle to me. I slide my headphones into my ears pretending I don’t know what is going on.

The back and forth never agreeing with one another, tires me out day to day. One time it got so bad, my sister and I left the house. We take on extra chores just to escape from the environment. Softly we stroke the foreheads of our horses with brushes. Then, together we stack the hay and muck out the stalls.

Guys are supposed to be tough and not show emotion. I find it harder as time goes on to hold myself together. Things seem to get inside of me easier. One minute I am angry at the world and the next minute I go back to being myself, just a chill guy with a slight smile.

I am alone in my room again. My mother storms out of the kitchen where my father is sitting. It became quiet for a long while. The tension in the house seems to drop just the slightest.

My mind trails off to remind me of this one person. She’s always there, kind of stands out from the other girls. People tell me she has her heart set on me. I won’t tell them otherwise. We always make eye contact and during class it doesn’t matter what I do, I always manage to make her smile. Her laugh though, is the funniest thing. It’s loud and obnoxious, kind of squeaky. At times it’s scary but still quite interesting. It’s defiantly contagious; sometimes I can’t help myself but to laugh back.

The truth is I really want nothing to do with her. To show I’m not interested, I constantly tease her. I don’t think she’s getting the message though, because she’s not taking it seriously. At the least, she’s hiding her true emotions from me. Sometimes when she messages me I let myself talk to her, but other times I just leave it on the screen.

It is time; my mom is breaking the news to me. She speaks in a motto tone, I tell myself to prepare.

In her exact words, she said this, “The horses are going.”

Her eyes become glossy from holding back tears. I know what she means though. It is her way of saying she is going, maybe not now but soon. With my head down I slide past her as a stealthy cougar. I drag myself towards the barn hiding my face from the world. No soul is allowed to see me cry. It isn’t the fact we are going to sell the horses; it is that soon, my life is never going to be the same.