wattpad - more like wtfpad. (A Fail-Book)

Finding A Cure For Alzheimer?

       

Guess who's back?

Back again.

Sidney's back.

Tell a friend.

I still haven't really processed the last chapter but I guess I just didn't want to show y'all how this terrible story is coming to an end. But I guess here we go. Have a laugh or get your tissues ready to cry about a story that was uploaded by someone who thought their work is a lyrical masterpiece.

Here we go:

He grabs my arm and takes it to a one person bathroom with a guy puking.

I don't know if I'm laughing or crying at this point. This ain't the right thing to start off this chapter. This just ain't it chief. And yeah, I wanna puke too. And I'm asking myself why there is a club with a one person bathroom. I mean rents are pretty expensive, aren't they? That's just not economical. I should maybe talk to their manager.

"get the fuck out." He yells. The guy quickly gets his shit and leaves.

"Gets his shit" isn't something you should write in a toilette related sentence. Just saying.  But honestly I have to give all of them props: The guy for having such a great body control to just stop puking because someone tells him to and our two overs for still being in the mood to have sex when they just saw a man sharing his body contents with a toilet. Very impressive I'd say.

He closes and locks the door. I push him against the wall and start kissing him.

I'd scream in panic. You don't even think about touching the walls of a cub toilet. You just don't do it if you don't have the desire to get 99+ diseases within 2 seconds.

I bring my hands to his face and his hands meet my ass going down to my inner thighs and picks me up.

Hello ass, nice to meet you, I'm Diego. Jokes aside. Did she even read the story before uploading this? The grammatical structure of this so called fan fiction is even more destroyed than my body the morning after a party night.

He slams me against the wall and raised up the rest of my dress.

I was about to say that this sentence was at least grammatically correct but... TENSES! Also now she has touched the wall too... I'm getting slightly concerned about her health at this point.

He unhooks his jeans while kissing all over my neck.

I mean we like to pretend that men are strong and sexy in ffs and that's okay, but let's be honest: She can't be that lightweight that he would be able to pin her up against the wall without holding her with his hands too. So I highly doubt that he could open his pants as easy as this story implies.

Then he parks his car in her garage, still pinning her up against the wall.

"AHHH!" I yell not familiar with his size.

Dear eleven year old fanfiction writers: If you want to write a smut just don't use direct speech. This is not sexy, this is just terrifying.

(...) and you can most definitely hear the sound of our skin slapping against each other.

To quote this story: "AHHH!" How does she manage it to make sex sound that unappealing? I'm upset.

"oh my goooooood, you feel so good. " I moan gripping on him shoulders.

Am I more disgusted by the fact that I have to read her non sexy pillow talk or by the fact that she wasn't even able to write 'his' instead of 'him'? I mean she's a foreign speaker (I think) and I am just a German potato sitting behind my laptop and having to judge her English. That's more than sad.