Dazed in Darkness

The door is locked and she has no way out. Her heart is beating out of her chest and her throat is closing every minute she's stuck in that room. There's nothing she could do though, she's trapped. She knew what was about to happen and thought of death to avoid what was about to happen. Her throat was grabbed and she was forced on her knees. Her eyes teared. There's no way out.

The music in the living room was the only thing she was focusing on to avoid the pain. Her ignorant family not knowing what's going on behind this locked door. No one would notice she's gone. No one would notice he's gone too. Her throat felt like she was swallowing sandpaper with every stroke.

It's too much. It's always too much. When will it end? A sharp pain in her scalp brought her back to the painful reality that she was in. She made eye contact with him and it was so revolting her stomach turned.

He finished and tossed her against the wall by her hair. He zipped up and left the room leaving her there in the darkness. She just laid there. No thoughts, no sound, not one move. Her body aching in pain but she just couldn't move. She was dazed in the darkness.

She knew if she made any move or tried to think she would break. So, she just laid there motionless trying not to think about anything. At this point, it was almost effortless to become numb and dazed. Tears were still falling down her face and onto the floor.

Her first thought was, "How can she let this happen?" and the answer was pretty simple. No one would believe her if she told anyone. She dragged herself to the mirror in the dark room. She saw herself there just barely alive. The only thing lighting the room was the light coming from the bottom of the door.

She stared at herself in the mirror looking herself in the eyes. Her eyes. They were lifeless, there was no pain, no grief... nothing. Just balls with green lifeless color.

Evelyn snapped out of her daze when the bell rang. She walked out of class with the rest and walked silently to her next class. She sat in her seat and just staid quiet. The teacher started with the class and she dazed again. She ran her hand thru her hair and flinched when she went over the spot. Her eyes scanned the class to see if anyone saw. No one. Good.

The teacher gave everyone and assignment and let them pair up. While everyone was walking around, she just stayed in her chair. After no one approached her, which she knew was going to happen, she started the assignment alone. All the conversation around her just threw her back to that night. She felt the signs of an attack coming on. Her heartbeat was racing, her hand was twitching, and her head was exploding.

She closed her eyes and honed in on her breathing. Her hand stopped shaking and her heartbeat starting beating normally but her head was still exploding. Tears began forming in her eyes and she looked up at the ceiling to stop them. She saw someone looking at her and she stared them in the eyes until they looked away. Her eyes red with the pain of holding in everything.

The final bell rang and she went straight to her moms classroom closet and let everything out. The people in the room didn't suspect a thing while they were talking to her mom. She sat in the dark corner with no light and just starting rocking back and forth. She was dead. Her body was alive but inside she was dead.

She closes her eyes but pops them back open after starting to remember the other night again. She sighs and figures she might as well walk around the school until her mom calls her. Her mind is too dangerous

She leaves the class and starts to aimlessly walk around. She walks down a couple hallways, out some doors, past the softball and baseball field, and finds herself stopping at the football field. Thankfully there's no practice today because she didn't want them noticing her. After a couple songs, she starts walking again. Throughout her walk, she passes groups of friends talking with each other while they wait for their parents.

She nods to the people she kind of knows but doesn't stop to talk to any of them. Evelyn keeps walking past the gym, past the cafeteria, past the courtyard, she's about to walk past the chapel but steps back and thinks. She walks in the chapel and sits in the back. Again, thank God its empty because she didn't feel like interacting with people. She feels this air around her that makes her feel a little lighter.

Evelyn never really was never really a religious person but she gained more faith a couple years back and she felt a little odd sitting in the chapel. She felt slightly guilty for not being more religious and sitting in a house of God. All of a sudden she hears the door open and close in the back so she rushes out of the chapel hoping to not be seen. At this point, the school was mostly empty she could hear her foot steps eerily vibrating off the walls in the hall.

Her phone lights up with a message from her mom saying go to the car, so she starts to walk that way. While walking, a song begins and for some reason she starts bawling. Evelyn hurries to the closest bathroom and just stares at herself in the mirror. Other than the tears on her face and her red nose, she looks normal on the outside. To her, though, she could see her lifeless eyes staring back at her.

It scares her how lifeless they are. It scares her because after all her years of living, all she's known is her lifeless eyes staring back at her. She snapped out of it and dried her tears before beginning to walk to her moms car again. The ride home was pretty silent other than the radio and Evelyn grabbed her dog, Heaven, and walks her around the neighborhood. Evelyn stops at this lake with the water reflecting the sun.

Heaven walks over to their usual spot and Evelyn sits next to her. Together they sit and Evelyn stares dazed at the water rippling with life. She starts thinking of a better life away from her family, away from the pain, away from everything that consists of her painful and dreadful life. Even though she feels the pain, Evelyn appreciates the time she sits at the lake with Heaven because one day she won't be there anymore to be by her side. Evelyn looks around and in the midst of all her pain, she still revels in the beauty of the lake, the trees, and the sky.

For the second time today, Evelyn felt different. She felt freer, she felt small compared to the life around her. As if her life didn't compare to the beauty she was in the presence of. As the sun began to disappear, Evelyn decided she should walk back home. Walking through the door, she let Heaven off the leash and went straight to the bathroom to take a shower then walks in to her room.

By this time the sun had already gone down and Evelyn got dressed in the dark and just laid in bed. Her body not moving but her thoughts never stop. She starts doubting her life, thinks of all the pain that never heals, and finally her mind lands on him. She stares dazed in the darkness. Evelyn doesn't want to daze but her mind won't let her focus on anything. She mentally can't find the power to shift.

She's weak and she knows it. She hates herself for crying at the drop of a dime or not being able to focus when her whole body wants to daze. Her inner battle is a fight she feels she can never win. She imagines what people would say if she told anyone.

"Why don't you just tell him to stop?"

"Why don't you tell someone to stop him?"

"Why didn't you stop it sooner?"

"Are you sure you don't want it? Because since you don't try and stop him, it doesn't seem like he's forcing you."

People don't understand that just saying 'no' is not enough to stop someone. It's hard to stop someone from doing what they want when they have you are your knees and their fist grabbing your hair, you can't even breath. It's not so easy as people think. If she does tell someone, like her family, they would mostly assume that she's lying because he made her seem like a compulsive liar and everyone believe him. It's hard to think about it, let alone tell someone else about it. Just the thought of telling someone scares her because then they'll look at her like she's crazy.

Evelyn knocks out, drained after just thinking.

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I appreciate comments and criticism!!