This is for MarvelLover_TacoLady
The sun bared down on Steve’s shoulders ruthlessly, causing the back of his neck to sweat. He felt the drops roll down his back, pooling at the base of his spine. Pulling at collar of his shirt, he wiped the sweat from his bow. Scrunching his nose from disgust at the spot he had left behind. He contemplated just taking his shirt off, but there was just this sense of security he felt by leaving it on. It was only when he heard his name being shouted was he able to pull away from his thoughts. Looking up he found Tony waving and yelling franticly at him from where he sat on top of Clint’s shoulders. By the looks of it, they were losing a game of chicken against Thor and Bruce.
“Steve! Get your ass out here. I need a new partner, Clint sucks at this.” Tony shouted over the nose of the waves hitting the sand. Steve only smiles softly at Tony and lifted the book that rested in his lap.
“Steve, don’t make me-” Tony’s words were cut off as he let out an inhuman squawk as Clint was knocked out from beneath him. Steve could feel his heart pound in his ears for what felt like hours until he saw Tony’s head pop up to the surface. He felt the breath he had been holding skim past his lips and into the air. He took a few deep breaths in and out, before shaking the tension out of his shoulders and turning back to his book trying to block out the sound of the waves. It was working quite well until Steve started feeling something drip onto the back of his head. Looking up he was met with the sight of Tony; black hair sticking up in every direction from the water, his arms crossed over his chest a bit of blue light leaked out the cracks, and to top it all off he was pouting.
“ Come on, Cap. We are going swimming, I need you to help me dunk Thor.” Tony ended his statement by sticking his hand out and wiggling his fingers in invitation. Steve looked at Tony’s hand then back out to the ocean. The dark blue waves crashed against the sand, destroying everything in its path.
“No.” His words where so soft-spoken that Steve could barely hear them himself.
“Yes. You are going to have fun. Instead of acting like an old man.” Tony reached down and took Steve’s arm pulling him up and to the water.
Steve’s heart started pounding in his chest, his lungs closing in on him burning with every breath he took. He wanted to pull away; he knew he was stronger then Tony; but he didn’t want to risk hurting him. It wasn’t until he felt his toes hit wet sand, did Steve start to feel tears swell in the corners of his eyes.
“Tony, stop. Please.” Steve hear how broken his voice sounded, how he was shaking slightly as he spoke.
“Steve,” Tony turned to look at him and slowly let his hand fall from Steve’s arm, “ What happened? What’s going on?”
“I’m sorry.” Was all he could get out before turning and running. His feet sending the sand flying around him. But he didn’t care, he need to get away from the water. He didn’t stop running until he found himself at the car; the lot was completely empty except for them. It was in that empty lot, did he finally break down. Large, uncontrollable tears ran down his face. His shoulders shook violently as he let it all out, eventually sinking to the ground, curling in on himself. Resting his head on the tops of his knees as he cried. He didn’t realize he was rocking himself, until a hand landed on his forearm.
“Easy there, winghead. I need you to breathe for me, in and out. Follow me.’’ Tony’s voice was gentle as he spoke. He traced circles into Steve’s arm as he started a breathing pace. Steve didn’t know how long they sat there like that, Tony’s words softly bring him back to reality. Looking up he was met with warm brown eyes and a small hopeful smile.
“I’m sorry.” The words tumbled out of Steve’s mouth, not knowing what else to say.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one that should be apologizing. I was the one that pushed you to far, I should of just listened to you when you said no. I was acting like an idiot.”
“You're not an idiot, Tony. You’ve never been an idiot.”
“Yes I was. You didn’t want to go in, knowing you that means you have a valid reason. I just completely ignored that. I’m sorry, Cap.”
“It’s okay. Trust me, you’re fine.” Steve gave Tony a small smile that didn’t seem to go all the way to his eyes.
“Can you at least tell me what I did, so I know never to do it again?” Tony looked at Steve with his bottom lip between his lips and his eyebrows scrunch together.
I trust him. I trust him more than I trust myself. Steve thought as he stared at Tony.
“It’s the ocean. I can’t go in, without feeling like I’m going to lose everything again.” He could feel the tears start to form behind his eyes again as he spoke. “I remember it all. Not the 70 years frozen, but the crash. I remember the water worming its way under my skin. How I lost feeling in my legs first, then up from there. I remember taking what I thought was my last breathe. I remember the water filling my lungs and freezing me. I remember feeling so incredibly alone and scared. I closed my eyes and everything fades after that. I was so scared Tony, I still am. I’m Captain America, I shouldn’t be afraid of anything. But Steve Rogers, he is terrified of the ocean and I hate it. I’m a soldier, I’ve been trained not to fear. God, I’ve faced Nazis, Hydra, aliens, and an actual God. Yet, the ocean. I just can’t do.” Steve’s voice was thick with tears as he ended, his hands pushing against his eyes as if he was trying to push the tears back in. The sight of it broke Tony’s heart.
“Winghead,” Tony whispered the nickname softly as he closed his hands around Steve’s wrists and pulled his hands away from his eyes, “You are allowed to fear. You have every right to be afraid. I doesn’t make you a bad leader or soldier. I makes you human. And I know you feel somedays like you’ve lost everything, but you haven’t. I think the world wanted you to live, without you Loki would have taken New York. The Avengers won’t be together if it wasn’t for you. I know you’ve lost people, and I know how much that hurts. But you are not alone. You have Nat, Bruce, Thor, Sam, Clint, and me. You will always have me. Without you I probably would have starved myself to death in my lab, I would still be drinking, you, Steve Rogers, are so much more than a soldier.”
Steve let out a sob as Tony finished. He throw himself into Tony’s arms, burying his face into his neck as he cried. Holding Tony like he was his lifeline, pulling Tony into his lap so he could hid himself more. Tony let out a small laugh at the action, gently running one hand up and down Steve’s back while the other was stroking Steve’s hair. For the first time, in a long time Steve finally felt grounded in his new world.
-The End
