It's that time again it's late at night I'm filed with fright from that fight but not in real life the one inside me head. How can I be alive when I'm already dead. Suicidal thoughts running around like children on a playground except is demons chasing angels with hell hounds. They say I'll have better days but I haven't had good days since my birthday. And even then turning 14 was shitty like some old memories. My anthem is xxx on a repeat. These pussy niggas rice krispy. Wanna just calm down and die. Not by old age but suicide. Deaths in my head. Laying in my bed,just want a take a shot of lead. I didn't want to hurt my family but they won't understand because I'm a deadman walking. Suicidal thoughts call it Kurt Cobain. Maybe I should do a line of cocaine or take a hit off of a blunt. Should I keep living in my head or should I step out. Just know the reals me crying and the old me is showing out. I want to close that door but I don't know how. Oh well guess I gotta keep waving the sweat off my brow. You have no idea what my thoughts come up with. Shit my mindset is more fucked up than a lord who represents the sith. Not evil but I do crave revenge. Shit happens in life but my life is like a chess game and I'm getting closer to checkmate. I'm feeling so dead inside even though I possibly found my wife. We don't talk anymore... god damn I wanna overdose. I'm not lactose but I'm starting to get intolerant with the bullshit people say. Love is a game that I found myself in. I love who I'm with but I'm scared it's gonna end. OD on a painkiller that was 2017. What will my story be this year... maybe lucid dreams. I love and I hate you I miss you I wanna kiss you but I also want nothing to do with you. Just kill me now so I can rest easy but god said he doesn't take suicidal peeps so I'll burn eternally...I guess this is Rest In Peace
