"Look at me! I'm actually outside for once!" Literally can't believe I said that out loud, luckily there was no-one around to hear me. I have spent the last three weeks in bed, watching TV and ordered food on delivery. And now I was out pretending nothing ever happened. Like everyone else in this world. Crazy huh? Walking around with a smile on their face, truly unhappy, but pretending not to be. In fact their just living dead, their bodies has managed to keep breathing, but their souls are long gone. Way too many people live like this, we call it "to stay strong", but does it really matter if you appear to be strong for everyone else but yourself? It is like if you are going to appear as a Strong person, you can might as well try to be one, you can't do it? Easy. Then you are not a strong person.
Because I was stupid enough to believe that "be strong for yourself" bullshit (I still kind of do, damn), I also failed. Because the truth is, I am a really weak person. And insecure, that too. I have tried so hard to tell my self that I am good enough, that I really am happy. But the problem is that I am not. I can't find my way, it feels like I have tried it all, but I a m not giving up just yet though. People are like "but you are perfect the way you are!" or "Why don't you feel good about yourself?" Why? Seriously? I can't just answer that question, I do not know why, I just know that I don't. Obviously I am not a strong person, so why pretend? Like i said, I believe that bullshit. Since I failed at being strong for me, I gave up being strong for others. That's half of the reason I never leave my bed any more, well except today of course.
It was a miracle, that came to me. Made me see all the things I am missing out on that got me up this morning. Up and out. Well almost a miracle. Kind of. It was my mom. My mom forced me to go outside. She got me a job interview at Starbucks. Yaiks. Or else she will stop paying my rent completely. She's been paying my rent because I go to college (sixth form) in London instead of Portsmouth where I am really from. My parents are not the kind of parents that let me go and do whatever I want, so it was unbelievable when the said yes for me to move here. Things were all messed up at the last school and I promised to do better, witch I also did. For almost half a year. Anyway, you don not need the whole story, so the point is, I have stayed home in bed for nearly three weeks now, without sending so much as a message to the school. The school got annoyed of my behavior and also worried, so the Deccan called my mom. End of story. Almost.
My mom told me to come home, but I refused, I needed this place by my own. She yelled stuff like "I am a horrible Mom, letting my sixteen year old daughter live alone in London! You are coming home with me right now young lady!" And I would answer stuff like "I am almost seventeen, calm down and lets talk about it". Surprisingly I convinced her once again to let me stay here by myself. Well the catch was that I had to attend to school and get a part time job to pay off 10% my rent for my self.
I got suspended for the rest of the school year (3 days, so it is not so bad as it sounds), but I get to come back after the vacation for second semester. The 'attend to school' thing is eliminated from my "to-do list" for now, but I need to get a job. I told my mom no one was hiring a sixteen year old girl, who spent the last three weeks in bed instead of attending to school. The same day she called me and said she had fixed me up with a interview at Starbucks down town. So here I was on my way to a job interview. It is not like I wanted this, but if I wanted to keep my apartment, I had no choice.
YOU ARE READING
When you love someone - A Shawn Mendes fanfiction
FanficA trubled teen, and a star growing even bigger for every day that pass, somehow managed to find love. A relationship that seemed so unlikely for both of them, made it's way in to their two so different worlds. But as in every relationship, there had...
