Pretty

Plans and Sleepless Nights

Haruhi had truly been disturbed the day before, seeing just how thin Kyoya had gotten, limbs willowy and almost curved from lack of fat and muscle. It disturbed everyone. She saw the looks on their faces, Kaoru expressing those concerns out loud but being dismissed. It hurt to watch.

However, she also knew that it was a slightly selfish thought. Kyoya-senpai had to be suffering more than the rest of them, considering that Tamaki told them how the boy collapsed from the pains in his legs while running, barely able to move. Tamaki had to carry him and, while the others shared worried murmurs, she heard him whisper "he was so light".

Of course he was. All you had to do was look at the uniform trousers that swallowed his thin legs, the shirts and blazers that hung off his shoulders, the cheekbones that were cut as harsh as diamonds. He was so... sad. She could only spot it when he was tired, which in itself was becoming more and more often, but it was there. His eyes were just... dull. He never smiled genuinely, and you could certainly tell Kyoya's real smiles from his plastic perfect ones.

He just looked ill, also. His eyes were red, bloodshot and bruised, his skin pale, and he always seemed to be shivering. His fingers were icy to the touch, she'd discovered while passing him yet another cup of green tea, and his nails turned a purplish blue. It was concerning, very much so.

However, what pushed concerning into the realm of terrifying, was what she'd been observing. Those bony, blue tinted fingers pinching at the barest amount of tissue paper skin that stretched over his bones. It was subtle, attempted to be hidden with crossed arms and quick touches. He ran fingertips over his protruding collar bones when he seemed... nervous. Or, as nervous as Kyoya ever was.

She wanted to talk to him, needed to say something. But that just didn't happen, because Kyoya wouldn't let it. He dodged her as if she were a bullet, twisted his way out of any potential conversation, wouldn't let her say by his side any longer than a moment or two. It was becoming rather frustrating. She supposed she could share the findings with the others but, at the same time, that was a violation of the privacy Kyoya deserved.

Or, so she'd thought until yesterday. Until seeing Kyoya's thigh gap. If he was that far gone, that ill, then privacy wasn't something he could have. She was agonising over what to do, how to avoid overreaction and missteps that could only hinder their ability to help. Her dad had been concerned when he got home, she was usually in bed and she'd just been staring at the wall while she thought on prominent bones and cold skin. Of things that couldn't be healthy. Of spines and ribs and collar bones.

She wanted to say something, ask her father's advice, but she couldn't. She knew Ranka wouldn't overreact, that he was good at these things, but still. She couldn't shake the thought that, if she was going to tell Ranka so easily, she might as well just call Tamaki now to discuss it. There were similarities between the two of them, attitude-wise, after all.

But she said nothing, only giving some half-hearted excuse as she went to bed, feeling his concerned gaze on her back. She'd say something soon, if Kyoya was okay with it, but not now.

She didn't know what to do, honestly. No one prepares you for this, and when in a group like the host club, bystander effect comes into play. You think someone else will say something, so you put it off, again and again. That was how it came to this, Kyoya's bones and skin and little more. Freezing even when in the club room, which was always a comfortably toasty temperature.

She sighed, staring up at the ceiling as she tried to convince her eyes to close, to stop worrying and go to sleep. It wouldn't do any good to lose sleep over it. Her insomnia wouldn't magically fix what was wrong.

But, despite this fact, her mind played what-if scenarios that... scared her. Hospitals, a skeleton, beeps and intubation and feeding tubes. A heart getting eaten away and a casket that was too wide for someone so thin.

A growl rose in her throat, frustrated that her mind was fixating on possibilities that were - hopefully - not going to happen. Kyoya was not going to die. She was jumping to conclusions and only worrying herself stupid in the process. They'd talk to Kyoya, he'd get help, and he'd recover. Slowly, but still. He'd get better.

Still, it wasn't like it was easy to will yourself to stop imagining these things after you start. A morbid fascination, in a way. A thought that twists your guts and makes you ill, but some part of you still clings to it. She had to wonder if Kyoya felt like that now, stomach concave and everything aching, yet unable to eat. Unable to let go.

But she shouldn't get into that, not now. It was late, and she should just concentrate on having a plan in mind for the day ahead. Telling Tamaki first made sense, as he was in Kyoya's class and could keep an eye on him. Then there were the twins; especially Kaoru as he was Kyoya's... sort-of-boyfriend? She didn't actually know what label to give them, really, but the point was that they cared for each other. Honey and Mori were last, just because she'd see them last and they didn't have the strong connections to Kyoya that Tamaki and Kaoru did, even if they were both still his friends.

It wasn't complicated. It was setting up a much-needed intervention that should've been arranged before it got to this point. Still, they weren't too late - hopefully. He was thin, and sick, but not dying. Not yet. They'd help him, even if there was no magical fix for something like this. They had to.

She shifted onto her side, curling up and cuddling into the blankets, trying to stop her mind from whirring and settle down. It would all be fine. He had Tamaki with him all day tomorrow, and a family full of doctors at home. It wasn't like, when he lay down tonight, his heart would stop and he'd drift away, the little heat remaining within his skin cooling. He wouldn't be much paler, that was surely impossible.

Haruhi pressed her pillow over her ears, as if that would block out the noise in her mind, and bit her lip. She hadn't been able to say goodbye to her mum, either. She had been pale and dizzy and then her body gave up on her, like Kyoya's would if he didn't get better soon...

She didn't get any sleep that night.