will i die? or will i live?
--hey my name is alexia and this is a story of my history of if i will survive or be beaten by cancer
i am 12 years old-- with a cancer issue. i have been to several hospital's just to be sure that i have cancer cause i did not believe the other hospital. My whole family wore sad/disappoint. i've been trying to take it really easy with my cancer. What i mean is that i did plenty of research. i am really afraid of this... i...i...i really just hope i fight caner. i have been planning my life such as my job, house, college, and especially my funeral. Since I'm planning my funeral i have thought of some ideas such as.......
My funeral
-all black (little pink though), have to be there on time if u really care, from 10-5, and etc...
i go to IS.59 a Junior high school-- i am a really popular student in the 7th grade. i've already told half of my friends that I'm going through cancer now that's why I'm wearing a scarf around the school. When i tell my friends something serious like this they'll take it serious not as a joke even teachers. I'm sure that if i die i will definitely miss my friends and family. i've been getting a lot of comments about my cancer issue it gets annoying after a well but i still answer them just to show respect.
my family-- is over protective a lot to me but until i had cancer i don't care if they are over protective anymore. whenever i get home i go on the computer to study about cancer and how many people survive or died from cancer but mostly how they did survived. almost every day my family that does not live with me call me everyday just to make sure I'm alive or to see how I'm doing. i have 3 people that live with me. the 3 are my mom my dad and my older sister. I'm thankful to live with them. my family oh my gosh i don't even know where to start with them.
IS.59 -- is my school that changed me and made me popular. i have a lot of names that care about me and my cancer. there names are mariah,haiely,adrianna,hunter,jeavon,imani,kiki,essa,Rochelle,kristaah, keysia, bigga, jason, shayla, amber,dajea,parker, and even my sister. all these 18 people are the ones that care about me and my cancer that are the closes to me. my life oh my god my life...... i don't know what to do or say. all that's in my head is CANCER!!!!!!!. i will think back on all the funny memorize that i had with them.
REMEMBERING-- i remember being in the hospital when i was getting surgery on February 17,2014. that was the worst pain that i've went through alone. when i tell you i was dead ass scared i was dead ass scared. being in the hospital named "Jamaica Hospital" scares the shit out of me. all those pointy stuff that they use or to put inside of your body hurts so bad.
My cancer begins to get worst and worst . Every time at night when i go to sleep i have these nightmares about weather i would fight cancer or fail at winning cancer. i just hope that my cancer issues will be gone soon. this is not me ..it...it...its too complicated for me my friends and even my family. On August 25,2015 i went back to the doctor to get checked up. At first i was scared but it was a good thing to be scared because i know that i needed to get well ASAP.
My family is praying that the doctors and nurses will help me get better so i could go back to my normal life. I....i...i been crying and crying that i wont make it. ALL this scares the shit of me cause i never had this before. But when i have kids i will make sure they stay healthy and not go through what I'm going through right now. But anyway all i just know is that my family and there friends are praying over me right this second. My heart and my body is bumping and shaking at the same time because i did not know if this will be the last time that i will see my family and my friends every again.My life is already finish but i don't know what do to know but just take the pain and deal with it.
October 5,2015- 3 months later i been waiting for my cancer results to see if i won cancer or did not win cancer. My life is shaking until the results come in. My doctors said that its suppose to come in today at 5:00pm and its 4:56. If my results come in positive i'll be the happiest girl in the world. But if they come in negative then i don't know what to do with my life. It feels like I'm impacting my friends and family with my cancer issue that I'm going through.
1 month later- the results came in when it was canceled on October 5,2015 at 6:00pm. My results came up to be negative and that it was spreading in my body even faster than before. it may sound weird but i felt something totally different in my body i...i...i cant really explain it though its too hard. Well anyway when the results came in my parents called almost every one in there contacts even the friends that they don't talk to and had there ups and downs with called them and told the the news about my results coming in negative. about half of the people they called came to my house to see me (i felt popular). there's been a lot of praying and compliments that i had to answer and do.
The next week of the 1 month which is November my cancer finally reach the end of my death. which means i dead. I dead last night when half of my was still leaving cause some of them stay for a few days. My life is over and this is not how i wanted my life to end. I dead at midnight when my parents were in my room holding my hands until they heard me take my last deep breathe and then i was gone. So anyway this is my story but just so you guys know i will be looking over you guys.
