Strangers of Sea & Land

Chapter 16

Opening the book, I listened to the satisfying cracks of the old spine. The pages were torn and burnt at the edges. An old yellow tint shaded everything. The few words that lined the crisp paper had bleeding ink and worn down letters.

There were a lot of blank pages to accompany the confusing scribbles, written down in a language I didn't recognize.

A few illustrations were still visible, barely opaque. I imagined the smooth lines as if they would be years and years ago. Many questions rose from this thought, this book had to be from the hundreds of years ago, an ancient artifact that belonged in a museum.

How could my mom have gotten hold of it? How long did she keep this? Who wrote it? Would anything in here be reliable or even legible?

It was just as likely that my mom was a thief or smuggler. So many things had revealed themselves this week that anything could be possible.

After we found her will, it was clear she kept many things secret. This boarded up old shed included.

Most of her things were given to Carla and I, but oddly nothing to Sam. A fact that he was somewhat upset about. But nevertheless, he accepted it and didn't question it unlike me.

My phone buzzed in my pocket, startling me. It was a text from Starla. I shut off my phone and set it down on the table without another glance.

I know it may seem cruel or wrong that I'd been ignoring her, but I just can't talk to her right now. I don't want to explain all the shit that's going on and what I'm doing about it. She's better off not knowing anyway.

Distancing myself from her is the best option. I don't want her to worry about me. Doing all this research and looking into my mom's past could put me in danger. With the state of mind I'm in right now, I don't even know if I'm safe from myself.

This thought proved true as I glared at my pencil sharpener and it's missing blades, as well the empty matchbook and cigarette box.

Not even martial arts could get me out of this. It used to be my escape, my happy place, but now it seemed to build up even more stress than I could take out.

Every kick, punch, and sweep seemed to be so carefully monitored. Everyone's eyes searing into me, judging everything I do. I wasn't good at anything particular and every time I messed up or made any mistake, it felt like I had failed. That I could never do it, that I would never amount to anything, and that it was all a waste.

Some part of me was confident in myself and had so much fun learning and testing myself but we all know that's not true. It's clear that I'd be nothing more than try hard. That I'd never be good enough to be accepted.

Dennis, Trae, Starla, all of them at the gym. They're so much better than me. They all have so much more experience and skill, and yet I try to be in the same level. And it's just so funny to them, the thought that I could ever be good at this and have any success.

Completely forgetting the task at hand, I let the tears roll down my face. Breaking down, I plop down into the rickety old chair. Big fat tears dropped down onto the book and the desk and all my papers but I didn't care.

Streams burned at my cheeks and I clawed at my eyes in a hurried attempt to dry them.

More tears rushed out as my croaking cries buzzed around my ears, covering up the creaking of the shed door.

I whipped around as a rays of light shot into the room and clamped a hand over my mouth. Through watery eyes, it was barley possible to make the shape of a young man in the doorway.

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Hey Author-chan here! A lot of the emotions and thoughts in this passage actually come from a lot of the things going on in my mind. So if these get really depressing or increasing violent/radical, please feel free to stop reading at any point and comment on anything you find unreasonable and just know that these stories are what I use to take out some stress. And if I kill off any characters out of blue, don't worry they'll probably come back because I didn't actually plan for their death and it was an impulse decision. I love the feedback!
Thanks :)