The Death of Jacob Track (Book One of the 33X Series)

Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

October 31, 2014

HALLOWEEN

Zacchya stood in the bathroom staring at her reflection. Her long wavy blond hair framed her heart shaped face just right. Her large blue eyes and small features made her look like a beautiful doll. Numerous people throughout her life told her that she needed to get out of Kansas after high school and become a model.

"No one that beautiful should ever be sad!" A surprising number of people had told her that. As if being beautiful was the only key to ultimate happiness. But Zacchya didn't feel beautiful. She felt guilty and dirty. It was like the stories she heard from Marissa after being molested. Something inside of her wanted to disappear from existence, but it didn't make sense to her. She felt awful and ugly. Her hope was fading again, and there was no reason for it.

She had been spending extra time with her Uncle Larry after school. They would talk about everything that bothered her. He always promised to listen "like an uncle and not a doctor." She appreciated that. It was hard to get someone to listen to her when she needed to get things off of her chest. The kids at school talked with her, but they didn't trust her. They treated her different than before the funeral. She didn't know if the reason she felt so awful was just the rehashing of the old hurts she confided in to Larry or something else. But she felt miserable. She tried to hide it from Trevor and Hollie, but it was so hard to do. Hollie had noticed something was off and they went for a special girl's day to buy new clothes and splurge on ice cream. It was nice spending time with her mom, but it didn't help. She was too far gone again.

"No, it's a rough patch. I can get over this." She said to herself. As she stared at the glass in the mirror, she realized how easy it would be to break it and cut her wrist. Too easy, really.

"Broken glass cutting someone that everyone treats like glass. How ironic! But I am broken. God, why am I so damned broken?" She sobbed. No one was home to help her. No one would find her if she did something stupid. Trevor had gone off with Bobby for a boy's night, as he told her. April had called her days ago telling her of The Misfits going to the bridge to see Jacob. April was her best friend and was trying to trust her. Zacchya loved that about April, she could always see the good in people.

Zacchya wanted to confront Trevor but decided against it. He was just trying to be a good brother and protect her. He didn't want her to see Jacob, and she didn't want to see Jacob. She couldn't punish him for that. She didn't want to know if Jacob was real or not. He was real enough in her heart, and that was already too much for her to bear. How could she see him in person and not completely crack in half?

Just the thought of Jacob's name pierced her heart. Why had she grabbed that box of pictures from the basement? Salt in the wound. Everything she did reminded her of Jacob. It all came back to him. Maybe her depression was returning because his death anniversary had just passed on the 28th. Then his funeral was on November 2 and when she was committed for a suicide attempt and depression. It all was connected to Jacob. Part of her wanted to run to the tracks and throw her arms around his neck, if he was there, and kiss him until her lips fell off. The rest of her just wanted to die. It was all of her fault. She should end her life in a way to tribute her undying love for him.

"Break the glass. Cut the vein and be reunited. Just do it." She told herself, tears pouring down her pink cheeks. Why did they leave her home alone? She wasn't to be trusted. The pink scar on her right wrist tingled. She remembered the pain from the suicide attempt at Sunnyvale. What if she lived through it again?

"Think of Trevor and Mom. Don't do this to them. They can't handle it. Fuck! Why did they leave me alone?" She screamed out to the empty house. The tears wouldn't stop pouring down.