August 12th
Dear Diary, I might as well start of by telling you who I am...right? Isn't that what most girls do in their diary's. Maybe...well anyways I'm Caroline. You get to know everything about my boring life. Fun right? No not fun... Well I am 14 years old and I'm about to start high school... Starting high school might just be the worst part of my life so far. I am so NOT excited to get teased daily...everyone in life is an ass-hole. Even the people you think you love...they are sadly...an ass-hole. That boy you are dating...he's an ass. Trust me...I would know. Now don't get me wrong some people are more or less ass-holes, but either way they are and always will be an ass. I can't believe my mum convinced me to write in this stupid thing...she said it would "help me get through things". Yea I doubt that. Maybe I should have some faith that this diary thing will help. If it doesn't I'll at least get a few good laughs out of it in the future right? Hopefully my goals this year will be accomplished. Well I have 3 goals...goal 1 lose weight...goal 2 not have everyone hate me...goal 3...don't die. Doesn't seem to hard to do right? Oh yea I am supposed to be doing that girly thing when I tell you all about myself. Well...um I have a boyfriend. Big surprise right. His name is Jake, and he is 16. And I can't leave out my best friend Kaylee. She is the best thing I could ever ask for. Well she is really the only thing holding me together... Um more important people in my life...well there's my mum who I love to death. The only bad thing about her is...our mums are supposed to take care of us not us take care of our mums. It's hard...really hard. I hate seeing my mum upset and all I ever see her do is cry. Maybe she should be writing in the journal not me...Her panic attacks have gotten worse. It is starting to scare me. The worst part is I don't know if I am strong enough for her. She always tells me how happy she is that I'm stronger than her when she was a young girl, but she doesn't know that I am broke inside. There is one more important person in my life...My ex. I can't believe I still love him, but some how I do. He may be the biggest ass I know but...I love him. I love Christian. God I am an idiot. But I guess that's just me. I am going to be seeing him in high school...last time I saw him I had an emotional break down. He didn't even bother asking if I was ok...he just left me there struggling to breathe while uncontrollably crying. I hate him so fucking much. But some how I love that piece of shit. Well maybe I will motivate my self to write something else tomorrow. But for now goodnight.
XOXO,
Caroline
