Angels in my life

One of my special angels

CHAPTER 1

    I was sitting on a bench, in front of my cousin's house. We haven't talked for 2 months and i miss him. I just want to know his mood. I just know that something bad happened to him. Whenever passes more than 3 days without talking, I know that he is not ok. Anyway, it's 2p.m. He is late. It already passed a hour and 20 minutes, and I'm still waiting here, close to his house. Now I'm sure. Something very horrible happened. The door has opened and I look over there. It's him. He's trying to hide his real feeling, but i can see it clearly on his face. He suffers. But why? His green eyes now are so sad and... dead. I see sadness. I feel so bad when I see that people suffer. Why? I don't like to see tears in theirs eyes. They deserve to be happy. Everybody deserves that, except me. I did many bad things in my life. So many bad thoughts. I tried to suicide myself, sometimes. I know I don't deserve a happy life. I don't deserve my life. I deserve death. But I'm still alive, so I'll try my best to make people around me feel great. Their smile- it's the only thing that I want to see. Only my angels' smiles and their eyes, nothing else. I don't care how much i suffer, i'll do everything to see their smiles. I'll die with a smile on face, one day. 

   My cousin is sad. He left the house and the garden. I think he's going at the supermarket. I'll wait him right here. I look again at my mobile phone. I know it takes him 5 minutes to come back. So, I better enjoy watching the sky. The blue sky. I love blue. It's such a peaceful colour. 

   He is back now. I look at him insistently but he doesn't see me. He enters in the garden, then he stops. He looks at me with big green eyes. Well, i understand why he looks at me like that. I changed my style of clothes, i wear only blue, I've cut my hair and I wear mascara. Yeah, i think that I look prettier now. His big eyes show me the shock that he has. I like surprising people, it's part of me.

- Don't you come in? he asked, feeling horrible inside.

   I just look at him. His fingers are shaking, a little more than I was expecting. I smiled to him and said that I'll wait there. I know he'll come back in less then 30 seconds. He ran in the garden, left the bag he was carrying and came back. Just 20 seconds.

- Don't tell me you were right here, from the beggining?

- Yes, I  was here.

- Why didn't you came inside?

- I like watching the sky. Any problem?

   He catched my eyes, knowing that I was serious. I know that I'm crazy. He looked down at his shoes and smiled timidly. We were walking on the street, saying many excuses. It is strange the way he walks. He was always  the one who decides where to go when we go out, but now, he lets me go wherever I want. We always argue because I want to go in the park, he wants at the reastaurant. I want to be out, in the nature, smelling the hot air of May, but we always end up going in a pub. Today he is really strange, more than usually. He is always complaining about the strong sun rays. He says that his eyes are sensible, that his eyes are special, not like mine because mine are brown. He likes teasing me. But it's funny. But not today as well. Today he's just doing his job of talking and being my cousin, today his vexing is just a duty. He always tease me, because he likes doing this. But now he is not that funny. I think that he does that only for me, because he knows that I want to hear some good reasons about his bad mood but he's trying to conceal his sad feeling. He knows he can't hide himself for much time, but I apreciate his effort. After two hours talking about his video games- to be honest, I like only football and cars games, but I don't play them-, about school and other stupidities, we stopped in the park on a bench. I heard his phone calling. He changed the song. Now it's Mad World; so he's really feeling bad. He talking with his father for a minute, and suddenly, his voice changed. I never heard his voice being so slow, toneless. I could feel the pain. Then he put the phone back, in his pocket.