NoCo Angst TDI

Noah hates himself oops

(tw: Implications of s/lf h/rm. Nothing descriptive or gorey, just implied. Please skip over the paragraphs in between the **s if you need to.)

"Okay sorry-- but how do you expect me to fix something if I don't even know what it is?"

"I don't know, Cody. Maybe you should actually think for once. Might be a challenge but... I'm sure you can do it!" He scoffed. Noah had just returned home from work and was already griping over something. This argument had been going on for a solid twenty minutes. Cody simply frowned with frustration.

"Alright. I'm thinking. I'm thinking that you're being a real jackass." Crap, Cody regretted saying that immediately. But Noah refused to make eye contact or even respond. He stared down at the floor, at each tile. He started rethinking his day and how his boss was on him the entire time. Some other workers had reported him for slacking off, which was complete bullshit. Well okay, it's not easy to be super passionate about a job you fucking despise. His co-workers could at least try to get along with him but no, of course not.

"...Hello?" Cody said almost concerned. His mind had completely trailed off, he came back to reality as he looked up.

"What? I'm tired. Today sucked ass, per usual."

"Oh... I get you're upset and all but you're really not communicating well and uh---"

"Just clean your crap up." Noah stated and went to his room. He sure does like spending a good amount of time alone. He shut the door, locked it, and immediately slid down onto the ground against the doorframe. It was dark in his room, the lights were off and he rarely ever opened the blinds to let in sunlight. Noah sat on the ground in the same sprawled out position for a few minutes until he slowly brought his legs in towards his chest. He hugged himself and rested the side of his head onto his knees.

**

Y'know. He was right. He is a jackass. Whenever Noah would lash out over something stupid it was in actuality to release the frustration and self  deprecation of his own personal problems. As his thoughts of how poorly the day was expanded to dissatisfaction of his life overall, his eyes drifted over towards a certain drawer. He tried to stop looking at it but he couldn't. He didn't want to be such a jerk to others so often, especially not to Cody. But he always was. He didn't deserve to have any happier life, only worse. And if the future follows the same pattern it has been for years now, worse it will get. Fuck this. Finally, Noah stood up and opened the drawer.

**

Outside in the living room Cody was picking up some of his clothing items and trying to organize the apartment a bit. He didn't realize how messy it actually had gotten, and Noah was definitely a neat freak. So he could understand his irritations, it just seemed like there was always a deeper layer to it all. Maybe he truly did just have a shitty day at work, that's all. But Cody couldn't help to have some worries. Noah wasn't ever a very open person, but as of lately it seemed like he was purposely trying to isolate himself. Almost every other night their conversations would end with Noah leaving the room randomly. After cleaning up, he went over to Noah's room and knocked on the door. No response. He knocked again louder this time.

"What--!?" Noah called from the other room after another short delay.

"Hey... are you doing alright?"

"Yeah, just peachy."

"I'm uh, sorry. I cleaned up everything." There was another moment of silence.

"Thank you."

"Could I come in--"

"No." Noah interrupted him with a quick decline.

"Ggh. Okay."

**

"Just- give me a few minutes." Cody stood around outside the door. Why would he need a few minutes? Was he naked or something in there what. Why did his mind go straight to that what. Never mind uh. Or... he wasn't crying was he? No, he sounded pretty normal while they spoke. Finally after a given amount of time, Noah opened the door. He wore a slightly oversized turtleneck sweater compared to his regular two damn shirts and a vest.

"So, what did you need?"

"I didn't really need anything I just wanted to talk to you." Cody responded. Noah opened the door wider to let him in.

After a few minutes of casually talking, the two both ended up sitting on the ground about only a foot across from each other. Cody had gone on a little rant about a minor inconvenience that happened to him, hoping it'd help prompt Noah to talk about whatever was bothering him. It worked, he started off calmly saying only a little then building momentum into a larger vent that lasted almost an hour.

"Dude. You should quit, seriously screw that! They're all treating you like shit..." Cody said clearly upset for him.

"I know, I would. But I can't. It's the only thing keeping us living under this roof," Noah responded. Cody then looked over to the side a bit embarrassed.

"I'm sorry I don't help out as much as you do. I always feel bad about that." But Noah quickly shot him down.

"No, please don't be. Believe it or not but you're practically the only thing keeping me motivated to--" He quickly shut his mouth and broke eye contact. Shit, that sounded bad. Why didn't he think before speaking. "Y'know... uh yeah."

"Eheh yeah. I feel the same towards you." Cody said smiling while brushing back a patch of his own hair. He looked up at Noah to see him giving a tiny smile, something he hadn't seen him do in a while. Noah noticed Cody's eager reaction to the smile, causing him to reach out and grab the book nearest to him. He opened it up to hide his slightly flushed face.

"Nice to hear we're on the same page then," Noah said.

"Awe c'mon do you always have to start reading when we're talking to each other??"

"No, I just choose to," He said while giving a smirk.

**

"Seriously man you gotta quit th--" Cody reached out and grabbed Noah's arm which caused him to wincingly drop the book and slap his hand away. "--at. . . ?"

"Uh. Sorry." He went quiet.

"It's okay... Did I hurt you or something?"

"No" He lied, "It just startled me."

"Ah alright," Cody said, but he still was a bit suspicious. He hadn't even grabbed him that firmly. But he decided it was best to drop it. "Wanna go to the living room? I'm kinda tired of sitting on the ground." Noah agreed.

**

They ended up on the couch watching a movie together later that night. Cody had curled himself up in a blanket and felt his eyes get heavier as it got later. Eventually he fell asleep, right next to Noah. He gave another tiny smile.