Sometimes i remember they way we were. It wasnt a long time- not by any means. But it was a blessed time. I was so happy. I never knew that you werent. I still dont know why you didnt tell me. Why you didnt give me a fucking reason why you hurt me. Sometimes i see your picture and it hurts. Its been years. Ive moved on. And it still fucking hurts. Its like i cant breathe. Its like a bullet through the heart. I just wanted to know why. Why wasnt i good enough. Why you didnt want to try anymore. Why you gave up on me. Why... just why? Ive found someone who i love. Someone who loves me. Someone who will never leave me or stop trying or ever give up on me on us. Even though i know this to be true- im still afraid. I am so fucking afraid. Because of you. I never knew why. And because of that i dont know what i couldve done. What i can still do so that maybe my someone wont see that flaw that you did. Was it something i said. Was it something that i did. Was it me. Was it you. What was it that made you decide that it was just too much. Or not enough. I live every second in fear of fucking abandonment. Sometimes im so paralyzed by the thought of my someone being like you. All of this aside. I cant hate you. I just hate me...
