Illusion

To begin to create the difference between insanity and reality is to take the world as you see it and alter every thought so that it becomes a false image. A false image is an illusion, meant to trick the eye but not often the brain.  When the deception is hidden in all thoughts, it is everywhere and there is no escaping.  No truth to anything. Nothing is there to stop and question the modifications of the memories or ideas.  True insanity is not painful or stressful.   When everything makes flawless sense is when you know that you are in too far to even consider resurfacing.  Serenity is true insanity.

This story all began when I decided to attend the magnificent Circus of Insanity. It was magical. It was creepy. It was everything one would imagine it to be, only better. The members of the circus dressed in freaky clothing and preformed unnerving acts. It was disturbing, it was outlandish, it was grotesque. But the most unsettling part was understood if, and only if, you knew their secret. The insanity truly began when I volunteered for a card trick, but I only dreamed it stopped there.

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Chapter 1

            “Your card is the nine of spades,” The magician stated simply, though his lips moved, it almost seems as if I had heard his voice from inside my head. The crowd that had attended the magnificent Circus of Insanity was excluded from my surroundings and it was now as if it were only I and the magician standing in the entire area. I was able to see the crowd chattering away and watch them as they threw their heads back with laughter, though no sound reached my ears other than the echo of the magician’s words. The spectators moved as if they were in molasses and not one noticed me standing here studying their every move.

The pain came out of nowhere. It was if my brain had been sliced open and then continued to be raked by thousands of knives. I could feel my mind being picked apart; I could feel the daggers stabbing. My vision then began to falter, growing darker every second. I turned toward the magician and raised my finger tips to my temples.

“What are you doing to me?” I asked him through my hysteria, my fingers pulling at my hair. My voice emitted as a whisper and broke halfway into a groan from the pain. The magician’s smug smirk fell immediately and was replaced with a look of shock. The pain immediately stopped. That wasn’t the only thing that stopped, though. It was completely silent. It was an odd sensation. Everyone else in the audience had completely frozen, though the magician remained moving. He was staring at me curiously, almost scared.

“What’s happening?” I asked the man as I looked around at the people who were immobilized. “How did you do that?” I continued to gape at the scene surrounding me.

“Look at me.” The magician spoke sternly, and I fixed my gaze on him. “When time resumes, I want you to nod your head and then go sit back down.” His eyes were locked on mine and he spoke the words very slowly. “Do you understand?”

I nodded my head. “Yes, but how –“ My words were cut off.  Once again, the audience was in motion. It was quiet, though. I glanced back at the magician who was watching me with big eyes. Realization hit me. The crowd was awaiting an answer. Was my card the nine of spades? I nodded my head like the man told me to.

It felt as if I was in a dream. Everything passed in a blur. I don’t remember walking back to my seat in the theater or sitting down. But I know I did. I don’t remember anything from the rest of the show. All I could focus on was the horrific feeling of my mind being torn apart and the magician. Was it even real? Am I going insane? I didn’t trust myself to answer those questions.

The next thing I knew, the mass of people was being ushered out the doors and into the night. The show was over. I shook my heads and rubbed my temples for a moment before stepping outside into the late September air and inhaling deeply. It was a well needed breath of fresh air.

The majority of people had started their commute home with no intent to sleep when they got home but a few had lingered along the side walk and in the empty grass lot. I sighed and leaned back into the old brick theater and slid down until I was sitting on the pavement. Letting my head fall behind me to rest on the building, I took another deep breath.

I began conjuring explanations as to how it could have happened. It is the Circus of ‘Insanity’, maybe it was all part of the act. The trick meant to for volunteer, not the audience.

“Who sent you here?” I must have jumped several feet in the air. I caught myself before I fell over. There he was, the magician himself. He was squatting in front of me twirling a pocket knife around his fingers at lightning speed. I watched it weave in and out between his fingers, glinting in the moonlight. He was wearing a shabby old top hat and a dingy brown suit with many patches all over.

“What?” I was confused. He must be, as well! Who does he think I am?

The magician closed his eyes and repeated through gritted teeth. “You know what I said. Now give me an answer.” His voice was calm but threatening enough to send a shiver up my spine.

“I’m sorry! I don’t know what you’re talking about!” It was clearly the wrong choice to shout for the man stopped snaking the pocket knife at once and held it to the tip of my nose in the blink of an eye.

“Are you one of her scouts? How many of them are there? Does she know you’re here?” He bombarded me with questions that I was unable to answer.

“I don’t know the answers,” I said simply holding my hands up in surrender. And then it was agony. My brain was on fire, splitting right down the center. I screamed and held the sides of my head. I was being pierced with a needle made of ice and it was entering one side of my head and leaving the other. As quickly as it came, it stopped.

I kept my eyes closed and was panting hard.

“My apologies,” My eyes snapped open and I snarled at the magician.

“Your APOLOGIES?!” What the hell did you do to me?” I yelled with fire in my eyes.

“Nothing that will permanently damage,” He shrugged casually. “Now, more importantly, you need to come with me.” The magician studied the sky.

“I need to come with you? Any why is that?” I stood up and crossed my arms.

“There’s no denying it, dear, you are not normal. If you come with me, I can explain it all. My friends and I have all the answers you’re looking for.” He chuckled and faced me with a knowing smile. He put his hands on his hips. “Now I know, I know. This guy terrorizes your mind, threatens you with a knife, and now he wants you to join him for a stroll. I know it sounds crazy, but I can tell you everything you want to know. Or you can just live with the curiosity, but we both know that you can’t do that.”

I hated how right he was. He had me pegged. I glared at him with the evilest eyes I could gather.

“My name is Felix Manson,” He smiled smugly and stuck out his grimy hand. “Only take my hand if willing to leave everything you know now behind.”

 My heart pounded, my hands were sweating. I wanted to answers. I needed to know. Without a second’s hesitation I reached out and grabbed his hand and the sensation of free falling took over.